Human nature?!

I was waiting for my turn at the Walmart cashier after lunch today. In front of me was this lady with 2 boys, aged approximately 3 and 2 yrs old (I can't tell--but one was standing and the other sitting in the cart). The Mom was having a handful trying to keep the noise down. The center of all this was a tube of m&m type chocolate. The younger one was wailing because his brother was eating some; then Mom gave some to him too--but when his brother took some more from his Mom's hand, the younger one was crying again (even tho he had his mouth full)...

That makes me think of many childhood stories, either of me or my brother or our cousins. One time my brother was crying so hard because my mom gave me a _slightly_ big piece of apple; and then of course there were many times when I was the one feeling jealous because of the "unfair" treatment (or so I thought) that I received.... I even remember (to my dismay) all the sour feelings that were actually in me!!

It's so easy for one to be upset whenever he sees others having more than he does. This "ability" seems to be innate in our characters. Even a two-year old kid has it. Why can't we *just* rejoice with others? The funny thing is, sometimes it doesn't even matter if we even want what the others have to begin with. People just can't have more than us--if anything, we are always supposed to deserve more! And then of course there's that whole $14.5 million lottery pool dispute that we hear so much about...

Is it really what we call human nature?!

Big head prawn

Arrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhh!!! I should never ever own something that is valuable. I can't believe that it would only take me 2 days to lose my new digital camera! How stupid is that?!!

I'm sure it will turn up sometime soon again--either at someone's house or someone's car. But I just can't believe that I'm *THAT* good in losing my possessions. No wonder my parents always say that if I have a son I would either leave him on the bus or forget to feed him... I mean when I first heard that, I was so hurt I thought it was personal attack on me.... I kept arguing--if it WERE really my son, I would have known that this is an IMPORTANT _thing_ that I need to take care of... and I wouldn't forget to feed him or whatever!

But come to think of it, maybe I really am not fit/ready to be given huge responsibilities. Never really owned any live pet--ppl always say that before having kids it is good to own pets: first fish, then maybe rodents or rabbits, then cats, dogs and "work your way up" to a baby. Maybe this *is* very much needed in my case!!!

Still feel bad. I mean, $$ is ok (I have lost a $1000 scholarship cheque before)--camera is ok too, but the implication of these things that keep happening--does that mean that I'm not fit to be given BIG responsibilities?????

Stepping into the foreign soil

Met this girl from church who just came to Canada from China--these few days I keep thinking about her--how tough it must be when she is on her own in a new country, and she's born shy... what happens if she can't learn as much as she wants and starts resenting her life? What happens if she starts meeting people who don't study hard and eventually loses her motivation?

OK maybe I am more and more thinking like a mom... (perhaps an older sister? :P) Can't say I don't have a soft spot for new immigrants/international students. It's like whenever I see one who is so eager to learn, to fit in--I almost want to pour out my entire English knowledge base into his/her brain. Especially now when the Vancouver environment--with almost a 20-30% population being Chinese--makes it so difficult for him/her to actually master the English language. And if I were them, I wouldn't trust all the ESL programs either!! You'll only know MORE immigrants with your background (which I guess also has its advantage)!

Sometimes seeing all these new young Asians coming to Canada and trying to learn English, I do wonder whether they are feeling what I felt when I first came. Excited about a whole new life, yet scared that I couldn't catch up, afraid of being rejected, intimidated by people speaking so fast... etc. etc.

And I think back to my own learning process--whereas I want to introduce my way of learning to them, I'm not so sure if that will work... still think that there's still a huge unmet need in terms of helping ESL students. There has been so much effort (supposedly) by the government to put in all these ESL programs--yet why are they not effective? Is there another way, another system that can be better?

Hmmmm...

Is time precious? No not at the moment!

Today marks the end of the third month I'm starting in a new position at work. It is interesting thinking about it because many days I find myself trying desperately to find more work to do! For someone who is so used to multitasking, I'm definitely drowning in boredom.

Everyone around me tells me that I should cherish this time because once the project picks up the pace I won't even have time to take a breath and complain... I may as well take it easy now right? But it is so difficult! How can I *appear* busy in my office when I start reading project team meeting minutes and company annual reports from last year?!

Maybe I shouldn't complain. Maybe God's giving me time and asking me to stop and rethink what I really want to do at work. After all, that was precisely the reason I left Biology! To explore and see if there are other careers within the drug development world that I want to do! And that's exactly what I'm doing right now. I just need to get out of the mode that I need to "accomplish" something all the time, and actually sit and think about what I want to learn. There are too much info out there--with the internet I can search for a lot of things! Hmmmm...

The up-side is: I am going to start taking a clinical research course in Sept (the very same one I was going to take 2 years ago and didn't get to do because company won't pay)! I should be happy about that?!

OK actually I am... But I still have a problem. There are still 2 weeks until the course starts. What to do??! And it is only WEDNESDAY! Arrrgggggghhhhh!