Received an email from my best friend. She shared about some health problem that she's experiencing now... something that actually took me a little off guard because I did not expect it. To be honest, I actually didn't know how to respond to it.
Everyone deals with uncertainties in life differently. It is not uncommon that these things put the whole life into perspective. What matters, what doesn't matter--they all suddenly become very clear. My friend told me that it's very comforting for her to know that she has no regrets, and that she has never felt as loved as she is now... and I am totally amazed by the peace and the calmess in her voice. And then I think - what if it's me? What would my feelings be?
For some reason at this moment I just want to search. Deeper in to my heart. How I feel if I am to be taken away today:
Can I truly say that I have no regrets?
What have I done?
What haven't I done?
What have I shown to the world?
...
...
...
Seriously - I can't answer this hypothetical question.
People always say live each second, each moment as if it is your last day. While I agree with the idea of it--basically, don't waste your time--I tend to admire people who face death (and life) in a calm and peaceful way. Who will not speed up or slow down life. In the midst of uncertainty, they will live as they always do. Still remember a Korean movie "Christmas in August" which describes how calmly a (terminal) cancer patient prepares for the imminent day... this slow paced movie remains one of my favorite movies to this day.
Read on the newspaper that there are some statistics or studies that link brain cancer with talking on the cell phone. I can't help but think: with the number of hours I have talked in the past (good thing i just bought a bluetooth), I most likely won't be able to escape from this fate...
Kinda scary :P
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Harmony
"You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note." - Doug Floyd
It was an interesting Toastmasters meeting today after work. I chose the word "Harmony" as theme of the meeting because 1) I like the word and 2) today's International Day for eliminating racial discrimination. What I did not expect, however, is how well people have really taken to the idea of difference and acceptance and did some very courageous (and personal) speeches.
What blew me away was the first speech: a coworker was sharing his experience and mishaps in his (gay) wedding preparation with his partner. I have to be honest: I was a little uncomfortable throughout the speech (because I personally do not agree with legalizing same sex marriage)--but I have to admire this guy for bringing this topic to the open!! He made the speech surprisingly humorous...
After the meeting I can't help but think--even though my faith tells me what's right and wrong--I still find it somewhat difficult to know how to react when people surrounding me who simply do not have the same belief as I. I was especially surprised when my coworker said that there's not that much difference in the wedding, that it is still religious, and that the minister (United Church) "blessing" the marriage is also gay. I suppose there's no point telling him that I don't think is biblical...
Strangely as I left the room, the word "harmony" lingered in my mind. To me this word signifies difference and peace. How then should I stand firm in what I believe in --and at the same time still keep the harmony (witih people who believe differently) unbroken?
It was an interesting Toastmasters meeting today after work. I chose the word "Harmony" as theme of the meeting because 1) I like the word and 2) today's International Day for eliminating racial discrimination. What I did not expect, however, is how well people have really taken to the idea of difference and acceptance and did some very courageous (and personal) speeches.
What blew me away was the first speech: a coworker was sharing his experience and mishaps in his (gay) wedding preparation with his partner. I have to be honest: I was a little uncomfortable throughout the speech (because I personally do not agree with legalizing same sex marriage)--but I have to admire this guy for bringing this topic to the open!! He made the speech surprisingly humorous...
After the meeting I can't help but think--even though my faith tells me what's right and wrong--I still find it somewhat difficult to know how to react when people surrounding me who simply do not have the same belief as I. I was especially surprised when my coworker said that there's not that much difference in the wedding, that it is still religious, and that the minister (United Church) "blessing" the marriage is also gay. I suppose there's no point telling him that I don't think is biblical...
Strangely as I left the room, the word "harmony" lingered in my mind. To me this word signifies difference and peace. How then should I stand firm in what I believe in --and at the same time still keep the harmony (witih people who believe differently) unbroken?
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Listening
They always say that humans were given two ears but only one mouth because God knew that listening was twice as hard as talking. It is so true. I haven't come across very many good listeners, and the ones who I hope are good listeners turn out to be the most disappointing... It's not very fun when you pour your heart out to people and then have them respond in two words that have NOTHING to do with what you talk about in the first place. I have had that happened to me for too often - and maybe because of the same reason I have chosen to speak less and listen more.
It's funny - I used to be more of a talker than a listener; but in the last few years (perhaps because of my role at church or the friends I have, I don't know) I seem to be doing more listening than talking. At the same time, when I talk, I become increasingly aware if the other side is not listening. I have always agreed that the first thing people need to learn (if they want to be a good listener) is actually to act as one. There are only 2 ways that one can show he/she is listening to the other person: verbal or non-verbal (body language, eye contact, facial expression). When I receive neither of those signals, I get very discouraged and I don't want to continue any conversation. I never believe that one person can continue a conversation for a long time without any response from the other end (don't think I have the talent to talk to a volleyball either :P)
I don't know. Maybe tonight I just want to rant. I'm supposed to excel in communication--that's what I do at work. Yet I find it increasingly difficult to establish good communication with the people who I care most about.
It's funny - I used to be more of a talker than a listener; but in the last few years (perhaps because of my role at church or the friends I have, I don't know) I seem to be doing more listening than talking. At the same time, when I talk, I become increasingly aware if the other side is not listening. I have always agreed that the first thing people need to learn (if they want to be a good listener) is actually to act as one. There are only 2 ways that one can show he/she is listening to the other person: verbal or non-verbal (body language, eye contact, facial expression). When I receive neither of those signals, I get very discouraged and I don't want to continue any conversation. I never believe that one person can continue a conversation for a long time without any response from the other end (don't think I have the talent to talk to a volleyball either :P)
I don't know. Maybe tonight I just want to rant. I'm supposed to excel in communication--that's what I do at work. Yet I find it increasingly difficult to establish good communication with the people who I care most about.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Just one glimpse
Just one glimpse, Just one drink
And my soul is satisfied.
We were singing this song for worship yesterday, and ever since I have painted in my mind this picture. Imagine the desire. Imagine the thirst. Imagine the hope. Imagine a person wanting so much - that even one sip is enough to feed him/her. Don't know why but the more I think about this, the more beautiful this picture is to me. It comforts me... knowing that the void, the worries in life, everything that is of unknown (that perhaps fear in us) - they can all be lifted up to Him who is Able...
"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink." (John 37:7)
Lord - I pray for that desire to always be in my heart. That I will never let You go.
And my soul is satisfied.
We were singing this song for worship yesterday, and ever since I have painted in my mind this picture. Imagine the desire. Imagine the thirst. Imagine the hope. Imagine a person wanting so much - that even one sip is enough to feed him/her. Don't know why but the more I think about this, the more beautiful this picture is to me. It comforts me... knowing that the void, the worries in life, everything that is of unknown (that perhaps fear in us) - they can all be lifted up to Him who is Able...
"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink." (John 37:7)
Lord - I pray for that desire to always be in my heart. That I will never let You go.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Getting old
Last night I had a nice dinner at Wild Garlic with some "teens" at church (well, I used to call them teens, but now they're in university already so I can't really call them that anymore!)... It was a very enjoyable dinner... we chatted a bit about everything... but throughout the dinner I really felt like I have gotten old. A little out of place. These are adorable girls who I knew ever since they were in elementary schools... and even though I have an almost 10 years difference in age with them, I have never really "treated" them as kids (I seem to have the ability to treat everyone including those still in junior high as though they were adults)... but as I am going to enter the next "decade" in half a year, I can't help but notice so much more difference between me and them...
I used to laugh like they do... no reservation, hearty loud laughs... I used to talk gibberish and enjoy talking all these funny non-sense stuff... I mean I'm a serious person by nature but I remembered those times... it's almost scary that I don't possess the same energy anymore.
No one escapes growing up. What I used to do (absorbing myself in reading, writing long letters to friends, etc. etc.) I no longer have time for. My life is centered around work--I spend so much more time thinking about how to get training and experience so that I can advance before I get too old... and believe it or not the first section of daily newspaper I read nowadays is financial stuff. I don't even know why (not like I understand much anyways).
It's weird... In my mind I want to prepare myself for the next stage in my life (having my own family, having financial security etc. etc.) and yet I don't really know exactly what I am looking for. I feel myself getting old and I feel my metabolism slowing down. All these things are coming on to me faster than I want to.
Today at worship I asked myself once again what I have taken away from God. Have I remembered that He is my first Love? As one of my friends said in cell group on Thurs - there are so many distractions in life that it's very very easy to lose sight of what's really important... It's easy to see how much I have lost sight.
I have my faith and I know what I believe - perhaps now is the time that I put my heart into actually living it. The least I need to do is to start having quality quiet time w/o falling asleep on the Bible... :P
I used to laugh like they do... no reservation, hearty loud laughs... I used to talk gibberish and enjoy talking all these funny non-sense stuff... I mean I'm a serious person by nature but I remembered those times... it's almost scary that I don't possess the same energy anymore.
No one escapes growing up. What I used to do (absorbing myself in reading, writing long letters to friends, etc. etc.) I no longer have time for. My life is centered around work--I spend so much more time thinking about how to get training and experience so that I can advance before I get too old... and believe it or not the first section of daily newspaper I read nowadays is financial stuff. I don't even know why (not like I understand much anyways).
It's weird... In my mind I want to prepare myself for the next stage in my life (having my own family, having financial security etc. etc.) and yet I don't really know exactly what I am looking for. I feel myself getting old and I feel my metabolism slowing down. All these things are coming on to me faster than I want to.
Today at worship I asked myself once again what I have taken away from God. Have I remembered that He is my first Love? As one of my friends said in cell group on Thurs - there are so many distractions in life that it's very very easy to lose sight of what's really important... It's easy to see how much I have lost sight.
I have my faith and I know what I believe - perhaps now is the time that I put my heart into actually living it. The least I need to do is to start having quality quiet time w/o falling asleep on the Bible... :P
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