So--this is the first time I didn't turn on my out-of-office reply at my work address... I figured I'm in telecons 2 of 4 workdays anyways, I may as well pretend I'm working.
I still maintain that it's so difficult to be working away from work. It totally messes up my sleeping schedule! I keep dozing off in front of my computer at night--in the end I don't accomplish as much at night and I can't stay awake all the time in the conference :P (considering my trying to *learn* something new I went to a session on statistical analysis--didn't last that long!)
Anyways, I have to admit that blackberries are a blessing. It does keep me up-to-date on all the things going at work... I usually make a point of not bringing mine into meetings when I'm at work, but when I'm traveling, it does come in handy :-)
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
DIA at Atlanta
Before I leave for DIA Annual meeting(http://www.diahome.org/DIAHome/) - I really didn't feel prepared for it... I was so tired from lack of sleep, so behind at work, etc. etc. But now nearing the end of the conference, I am glad I came.
It's not so much the sessions--I mean, after a while, they all seemed so similar. They have >3-4 sessions on the same topic (even though the title *looked* different)... I still find myself enjoying the project management track more--truly feel blessed that I somehow came to this field. Supposedly this conference is great for networking, but both my coworker and I mostly just stuck together. We occasionally talked to some people; not too many conversations that are very interesting though. Considering that I need to be more serious about looking for jobs soon, I should really get into the mode of being more proactive! :-(
So, Atlanta, the city. Both my friend and I had so many plans about doing a lot of sightseeing and exploring the city, but in the end we didn't do *that* much. We went to the networking event at Georgia Aquarium --it was pretty good. I felt a bit bad for the Beluga whale, but it was really really really cute!!
The two of us kinda walked all over the place (sometimes to places we shouldn't be on foot in apprently)... went to Underground Atlanta, New World Coca Cola (OK I was impressed at this one), Atlanta station... today after the conference we tried to go to the Martin Luther King Centre/home, but my friend sort of led us to the opposite direction. So we ended up walking and walking and walking and walking... through the scary ghetto places... and arrived at a restuarant (http://www.silkrestaurant.com/). ABSOLUTELY wonderful. I mean, I have always thought that you can't really find better restaurants than in Vancouver (esp fusion food)... but both my friend and I were very very impressed. Slightly on the pricey side, but still. Awesome food. It kinda made my day :-)
Tomorrow after the last 2 sessions, I'll be heading off to San Francisco. I get to see a few friends and fulfill my promise of visiting the city! Can't wait!!!!
It's not so much the sessions--I mean, after a while, they all seemed so similar. They have >3-4 sessions on the same topic (even though the title *looked* different)... I still find myself enjoying the project management track more--truly feel blessed that I somehow came to this field. Supposedly this conference is great for networking, but both my coworker and I mostly just stuck together. We occasionally talked to some people; not too many conversations that are very interesting though. Considering that I need to be more serious about looking for jobs soon, I should really get into the mode of being more proactive! :-(
So, Atlanta, the city. Both my friend and I had so many plans about doing a lot of sightseeing and exploring the city, but in the end we didn't do *that* much. We went to the networking event at Georgia Aquarium --it was pretty good. I felt a bit bad for the Beluga whale, but it was really really really cute!!
The two of us kinda walked all over the place (sometimes to places we shouldn't be on foot in apprently)... went to Underground Atlanta, New World Coca Cola (OK I was impressed at this one), Atlanta station... today after the conference we tried to go to the Martin Luther King Centre/home, but my friend sort of led us to the opposite direction. So we ended up walking and walking and walking and walking... through the scary ghetto places... and arrived at a restuarant (http://www.silkrestaurant.com/). ABSOLUTELY wonderful. I mean, I have always thought that you can't really find better restaurants than in Vancouver (esp fusion food)... but both my friend and I were very very impressed. Slightly on the pricey side, but still. Awesome food. It kinda made my day :-)
Tomorrow after the last 2 sessions, I'll be heading off to San Francisco. I get to see a few friends and fulfill my promise of visiting the city! Can't wait!!!!
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Future hobby after retirement
I just thought of a perfect hobby after I retire (besides my beach-side coffee shop!), wheever that is: TUTORING HIGH SCHOOL CHEMISTRY!
Ever since I finished grad school, I pretty much stopped tutoring. It's one of those things that is difficult to do when you're working a full-time job--just 'cuz it's quite draining and it eats up your personal time (which I already don't have a lot). Anyways, just a couple of weeks ago a church friend who's taking chem 12 now asked me if I could help her with chemistry. I was hesitating a bit at first --I wasn't sure if I remembered anything at all!! But then I figured--if I am given a textbook, it shouldn't be that hard for me to remember the theories??
Anyways, I got so excited once I got my hands on the material. I almost couldn't stop talking--wanted to go on and on and on... until she said... errr... could we stop here today? Hmmm... the memory of how much I loved that class back in Grade 12 flooded back... I just was happy to be seeing those questions! I don't know why--but I like explaining to people, and really get immense satisfaction when it looks like they understand what I am talking about!
Well, my friend txt-messaged me yesterday. She got over 90% in her chapter test. I was SOOO ecstatic!!! I was sooo proud of her (and so relieved for myself--it seemed like I did a good thing hehe)
Ever since I finished grad school, I pretty much stopped tutoring. It's one of those things that is difficult to do when you're working a full-time job--just 'cuz it's quite draining and it eats up your personal time (which I already don't have a lot). Anyways, just a couple of weeks ago a church friend who's taking chem 12 now asked me if I could help her with chemistry. I was hesitating a bit at first --I wasn't sure if I remembered anything at all!! But then I figured--if I am given a textbook, it shouldn't be that hard for me to remember the theories??
Anyways, I got so excited once I got my hands on the material. I almost couldn't stop talking--wanted to go on and on and on... until she said... errr... could we stop here today? Hmmm... the memory of how much I loved that class back in Grade 12 flooded back... I just was happy to be seeing those questions! I don't know why--but I like explaining to people, and really get immense satisfaction when it looks like they understand what I am talking about!
Well, my friend txt-messaged me yesterday. She got over 90% in her chapter test. I was SOOO ecstatic!!! I was sooo proud of her (and so relieved for myself--it seemed like I did a good thing hehe)
Pure boredom
This is one of those rare days that I knew from the start of the day that I have absolutely nothing to do at work. All depts have their deadlines and are working hard, and I have nothing to update and no one to talk to because I don't want to bother anyone.
And I was REALLY bored. Didn't help when it's like one of the most gorgeous days outside. I considered bugging my boss again and asking her to give me something to do - but then I figured this would be like creating trouble for her (who wants to be told that they have nothing to do)?
So I tried to create work for myself (something my bf seems to think I'm very capable of doing). I immersed myself in VB scripts trying to automate graphical reports based on a template I have seen before. It's fun (just 'cuz I don't do it very often)--but I also didn't get very far before I kept seeing those pop up "Error in compilng" windows. I guess my one-term computer course (in FORTRAN) back in university didn't help.
Seems like programming is something that can be easily forgotten if you don't use it. A year and a half ago I was writing codes every day because we were in a rush to complete a database--and I actually felt that I knew how to code :P Now --I printed out everything I have done before just to try to remember the code...
Well, at least there's always the Internet where I can find a lot of sample codes. this is going to be a lot of studying if I want to finish what I want to do (the sad thing is, I really didn't think it was very difficult when I first started :P).
Maybe next week I should start thinking about studying my PMP exam. At least that's somewhat work-related =)
And I was REALLY bored. Didn't help when it's like one of the most gorgeous days outside. I considered bugging my boss again and asking her to give me something to do - but then I figured this would be like creating trouble for her (who wants to be told that they have nothing to do)?
So I tried to create work for myself (something my bf seems to think I'm very capable of doing). I immersed myself in VB scripts trying to automate graphical reports based on a template I have seen before. It's fun (just 'cuz I don't do it very often)--but I also didn't get very far before I kept seeing those pop up "Error in compilng" windows. I guess my one-term computer course (in FORTRAN) back in university didn't help.
Seems like programming is something that can be easily forgotten if you don't use it. A year and a half ago I was writing codes every day because we were in a rush to complete a database--and I actually felt that I knew how to code :P Now --I printed out everything I have done before just to try to remember the code...
Well, at least there's always the Internet where I can find a lot of sample codes. this is going to be a lot of studying if I want to finish what I want to do (the sad thing is, I really didn't think it was very difficult when I first started :P).
Maybe next week I should start thinking about studying my PMP exam. At least that's somewhat work-related =)
Sunday, May 20, 2007
The Threat of Christ
This morning we had an interesting sermon by a guest speaker. He talked about "The Threat of Christ" (Acts 4). I admit I never think of Him this way--and yet it's very true. The Christian belief does force us to be uncomfortable, esp. when we are so content about the status quo. Anything that shakes this up becomes a threat... He talked about the difference between the "religion" (following a set of rules) and faith. How we are accepted, therefore we obey.
It's funny to look at how faith has changed (and not changed) this world. I find that these days the world is so much about "us". The emphasis on self-centeredness is so great that we don't swallow well the lesson of giving, sacrificing, loving. Everything is about how people/things/events can benefit ME, my feelings, my well-being--instead of how I can contribute to make a difference. People are so used to being spoon-fed--new ideas are responded with skepticism and questions, why something cannot be done, not "how I can make it happen." Maybe it is easier to discourage people with new ideas because then we don't have to venture out to the unknown. We don't have to be uncomfortable.
Yes, a threat indeed.
It's funny to look at how faith has changed (and not changed) this world. I find that these days the world is so much about "us". The emphasis on self-centeredness is so great that we don't swallow well the lesson of giving, sacrificing, loving. Everything is about how people/things/events can benefit ME, my feelings, my well-being--instead of how I can contribute to make a difference. People are so used to being spoon-fed--new ideas are responded with skepticism and questions, why something cannot be done, not "how I can make it happen." Maybe it is easier to discourage people with new ideas because then we don't have to venture out to the unknown. We don't have to be uncomfortable.
Yes, a threat indeed.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Real Courage
RESTORING POWER OF GOD
BEAUTY OF HIS GRACE
LET HIS LIGHT ILLUMINATE
through
EVERY
ASPECT
of
YOUR
LIFE
BEAUTY OF HIS GRACE
LET HIS LIGHT ILLUMINATE
through
EVERY
ASPECT
of
YOUR
LIFE
Saturday, May 12, 2007
randomly...
Watched Spiderman 3 past Wed. It was ok. I was too tired to enjoy it... but I keep thinking about 2 quotes (one actually from the first movie)
"With great power comes great responsibility."
"You always have a choice."
I think it's time for me to make some serious decisions and plan for the rest of the year. I have so many things I want to accomplish before year-end. If I don't start disciplining myself, I will not accomplish what I know is within my reach.
1. Prepare for PMP exam.
2. Take GMAT.
3. Do the Grouse Grind Mountain Run.
4. Start reading again.
"With great power comes great responsibility."
"You always have a choice."
I think it's time for me to make some serious decisions and plan for the rest of the year. I have so many things I want to accomplish before year-end. If I don't start disciplining myself, I will not accomplish what I know is within my reach.
1. Prepare for PMP exam.
2. Take GMAT.
3. Do the Grouse Grind Mountain Run.
4. Start reading again.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
My new title: Reporter
Two weeks after my long vacation, I really feel like I need another one.
I always know that in project management, we need to stay on top of how a project is going--the balance of the triangle (cost, quality, and time) is the key. Usually if something is behind schedule, I try to pull a few strings and beg and convince the downstream people to work a little harder to get things back on track. The problem is--unlike before these days I have absolutely no control over anything. Deadlines and milestones go by, and no one pays attention to them. It's just "oh, we didn't meet the timeline" - and life goes on. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Doesn't matter how much I go kicking and screaming. No one listens. My emails go to a black hole, and my phone calls are connected to voice mail most of the time... I feel more and more like a reporter at my workplace just trying to know what's going on--BECAUSE PEOPLE NEVER COPY ME ON EMAILS!! It's esp. harder because these are like senior senior people and you can't really yell at them.
It just shouldn't be this way. And I can't believe how long it takes to make a simple decision. People rather delay the project timelines than to make any decision. A, B, and C discovers a problem. They talk among themselves for a week; then finally decide to go to D and presents a situation that requires change in plan - D says meeting is required. Then they wait for the next meeting (often in 2 weeks' time) to discuss - outcome of the meeting is to have another meeting to resolve this. Finally a decision is made, then a new addition to the project, E, comes along who says "oh no, I think we need to reconsider this..." and the cycle starts all over again. After 3 months, we are still in Stage 1.
I always know that in project management, we need to stay on top of how a project is going--the balance of the triangle (cost, quality, and time) is the key. Usually if something is behind schedule, I try to pull a few strings and beg and convince the downstream people to work a little harder to get things back on track. The problem is--unlike before these days I have absolutely no control over anything. Deadlines and milestones go by, and no one pays attention to them. It's just "oh, we didn't meet the timeline" - and life goes on. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Doesn't matter how much I go kicking and screaming. No one listens. My emails go to a black hole, and my phone calls are connected to voice mail most of the time... I feel more and more like a reporter at my workplace just trying to know what's going on--BECAUSE PEOPLE NEVER COPY ME ON EMAILS!! It's esp. harder because these are like senior senior people and you can't really yell at them.
It just shouldn't be this way. And I can't believe how long it takes to make a simple decision. People rather delay the project timelines than to make any decision. A, B, and C discovers a problem. They talk among themselves for a week; then finally decide to go to D and presents a situation that requires change in plan - D says meeting is required. Then they wait for the next meeting (often in 2 weeks' time) to discuss - outcome of the meeting is to have another meeting to resolve this. Finally a decision is made, then a new addition to the project, E, comes along who says "oh no, I think we need to reconsider this..." and the cycle starts all over again. After 3 months, we are still in Stage 1.
Monday, April 23, 2007
More random thoughts
Can't help but to continue on one particular thought.
I imagine it's not hard to know when you're losing a battle before you even start fighting. It's not that I'm fighting anyways. There is no way to win. I have always known that. Once someone forms an impression/opinion of you, it takes forever to wipe that out of their mind - no matter how hard you try.
And scars - don't we love going back to them and making them bleed again. Things that happened in the past - someone got hurt because of you, even though it's unintentional on your part). You think over time people will forget - but you're so wrong. If ever an argument comes up, you are going to hear from things that happen years ago, and then you can't say anything - because YOU ARE JUST WRONG. PLAIN WRONG. ALWAYS WRONG.
The one thought that keeps sticking and won't go away, is how bad it feels when people don't have ANY confidence in you. That seriously hurts. (That, by the way, reminds me of something else. And I'm eternally grateful for that enlightenment!)
Hmmm... enough rant from me for the day. I hope that once I let this out, life will go back to normal.
What a comfort to know that God always forgives.
I imagine it's not hard to know when you're losing a battle before you even start fighting. It's not that I'm fighting anyways. There is no way to win. I have always known that. Once someone forms an impression/opinion of you, it takes forever to wipe that out of their mind - no matter how hard you try.
And scars - don't we love going back to them and making them bleed again. Things that happened in the past - someone got hurt because of you, even though it's unintentional on your part). You think over time people will forget - but you're so wrong. If ever an argument comes up, you are going to hear from things that happen years ago, and then you can't say anything - because YOU ARE JUST WRONG. PLAIN WRONG. ALWAYS WRONG.
The one thought that keeps sticking and won't go away, is how bad it feels when people don't have ANY confidence in you. That seriously hurts. (That, by the way, reminds me of something else. And I'm eternally grateful for that enlightenment!)
Hmmm... enough rant from me for the day. I hope that once I let this out, life will go back to normal.
What a comfort to know that God always forgives.
Back to work / random thoughts
The past 4 weeks have passed by fast. I seemed to have accomplished a lot. I rushed like crazy at work just so that I can take 3 weeks to go on the China/HK trip. I left, I came back, and it seemed like I haven't been gone, and I spent last week trying desperately to catch up and get updates of all the things that have happened while I was gone.
Some companies force employees to take vacation if they have not be taking days off for a long time. I know my new company is like that. However, I really doubt if it really helps people relax - because the fact of the matter is that the amount of work needed to get done does not change.
Anyways, I'm not really complaining. I like my work and I can whine once in a while (esp. with coworkers) - but I will put in whatever amount of time needed to get things done.
***
A lot of things happened in the past week after I came back. So many times I wanted to jot down my thoughts, but procrastination stopped me. So I guess here I will highlight some of the noteworthy thoughts:
1) Finally understood that if friendships aren't meant to be, don't force it. Also finally understood that it's best to keep a distance to everyone (with the exception of very few) --because you never know how much it will hurt when disagreement arises and someone tells you they don't care how you feel. It hurts more when you actually care. Yah, words can kill --but you still have to swallow it because you have no other choice.
2) Sometimes I really wonder why tragedies happen. People can debate over their root cause and what is to blame (society, the person, etc. etc.) --but the only ones who actually understand the pain are the ones going through it or are in some way related to the incident. Listening to all sorts of people arguing for their viewpoints makes me even more upset. My prayers go out to those who actually have to live it.
3) I finally overcame my fear of changing the color of my hair (yes, I'm still troubled by the opinion that "only bad girls will dye hair" from years ago) and did some slight non-noticeable highlights. The color doesn't come out like what I expected but I actually like it. Well, it's just for me to see anyways. I desperately wanted a change with my hair (you have no idea how frustrated I was in HK - and how close I was to risking a disaster and almost going to perm my hair in HK!).
4) My church, ahhh, my church. On Sunday I returned to worship at my home church, after 3 weeks of vacation and one Sunday of Vancouver Sun Run. It was such a sweet feeling. I will certainly miss it if one day I choose to leave town.
5) Sun Run. I am so very proud of my friend who finished the 10k run - never stopping! My next goal is to train her for a half-marathon next! Too bad W couldn't run it in the midst of a terrible flu... I would have liked to see him beat me =)
6) A friend once said, there are simply joys in life. I experienced one of those last week. I cooked a soup (Papaya, dried octopus, pork) that was just... PERFECT.
MWWWWHHHHAAAAA.
Some companies force employees to take vacation if they have not be taking days off for a long time. I know my new company is like that. However, I really doubt if it really helps people relax - because the fact of the matter is that the amount of work needed to get done does not change.
Anyways, I'm not really complaining. I like my work and I can whine once in a while (esp. with coworkers) - but I will put in whatever amount of time needed to get things done.
***
A lot of things happened in the past week after I came back. So many times I wanted to jot down my thoughts, but procrastination stopped me. So I guess here I will highlight some of the noteworthy thoughts:
1) Finally understood that if friendships aren't meant to be, don't force it. Also finally understood that it's best to keep a distance to everyone (with the exception of very few) --because you never know how much it will hurt when disagreement arises and someone tells you they don't care how you feel. It hurts more when you actually care. Yah, words can kill --but you still have to swallow it because you have no other choice.
2) Sometimes I really wonder why tragedies happen. People can debate over their root cause and what is to blame (society, the person, etc. etc.) --but the only ones who actually understand the pain are the ones going through it or are in some way related to the incident. Listening to all sorts of people arguing for their viewpoints makes me even more upset. My prayers go out to those who actually have to live it.
3) I finally overcame my fear of changing the color of my hair (yes, I'm still troubled by the opinion that "only bad girls will dye hair" from years ago) and did some slight non-noticeable highlights. The color doesn't come out like what I expected but I actually like it. Well, it's just for me to see anyways. I desperately wanted a change with my hair (you have no idea how frustrated I was in HK - and how close I was to risking a disaster and almost going to perm my hair in HK!).
4) My church, ahhh, my church. On Sunday I returned to worship at my home church, after 3 weeks of vacation and one Sunday of Vancouver Sun Run. It was such a sweet feeling. I will certainly miss it if one day I choose to leave town.
5) Sun Run. I am so very proud of my friend who finished the 10k run - never stopping! My next goal is to train her for a half-marathon next! Too bad W couldn't run it in the midst of a terrible flu... I would have liked to see him beat me =)
6) A friend once said, there are simply joys in life. I experienced one of those last week. I cooked a soup (Papaya, dried octopus, pork) that was just... PERFECT.
MWWWWHHHHAAAAA.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Present yet absent
I have been very encouraged about our drama team at church... despite the difficulty in writing scripts, the team has persevered through the past few weeks and come up with ideas and actually starting to type away! Now I truly understand why someone has said that it's easier to get people to write when they are actually in teams!
On another note - because of my frequent courses and out-of-town trips, I have been missing so many wonderful sketches that the team has presented to the congregation. I still haven't had a chance to watch the video of the latest one yet, but many people have told me how much they appreciate the effort and progress the team has made so far. I'm just pleased to work with such an open and talented group!! Certainly I am hoping that as we get more comfortable in acting and writing that we can dwell deeper into the scripture as we design sketches!
On another note - because of my frequent courses and out-of-town trips, I have been missing so many wonderful sketches that the team has presented to the congregation. I still haven't had a chance to watch the video of the latest one yet, but many people have told me how much they appreciate the effort and progress the team has made so far. I'm just pleased to work with such an open and talented group!! Certainly I am hoping that as we get more comfortable in acting and writing that we can dwell deeper into the scripture as we design sketches!
Anyways - someone did something funny today in class to honor my frequent absence =) Hmm...
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Bargains
The best thing that happened in this LA trip is a fun night with my best friend and her husband. We were just chit-chatting and catching up - nothing particularly deep per se, but it was just nice and relaxing. It reminds me how blessed I am to have friends in different cities that I feel close to...
Anyways, during the course of the conversation, we found out something interesting. About me actually (and apparently this "trait" of mine is common to most, if not all, Chinese). It happened twice w/in the 2-3 hours (and I know in my mind that it happens VERY OFTEN).
1. I was wearing my new Roots hoodies - so I was telling my friend that I got it in Whistler, and that it was 60% on sale.
2. After dinner we were talking about books and I showed my friend the book I bought as I came across a yard sale one day I was jogging. And I said "And I only got it for a buck."
Apparently it felt so natural (almost essential) for me to "qualify" how good a bargain is whenever I tell people what I buy. It's not enough that something is just beautiful, or very useful, or whatever --but I had to make sure that people know I got it cheap (or at a hugely discounted price). I never really consider myself as a smart shopper - but now I can totally see that most chinese are like that. Getting something beautiful/suitable is NOTHING compared to getting something that is a bargain.
It's weird. This Chinese mentality is so familiar to me that I wouldn't need to think before these words just came out of my mouth! It only became interesting because my friend's husband found it so amusing!
I'm Chinese afterall!
Anyways, during the course of the conversation, we found out something interesting. About me actually (and apparently this "trait" of mine is common to most, if not all, Chinese). It happened twice w/in the 2-3 hours (and I know in my mind that it happens VERY OFTEN).
1. I was wearing my new Roots hoodies - so I was telling my friend that I got it in Whistler, and that it was 60% on sale.
2. After dinner we were talking about books and I showed my friend the book I bought as I came across a yard sale one day I was jogging. And I said "And I only got it for a buck."
Apparently it felt so natural (almost essential) for me to "qualify" how good a bargain is whenever I tell people what I buy. It's not enough that something is just beautiful, or very useful, or whatever --but I had to make sure that people know I got it cheap (or at a hugely discounted price). I never really consider myself as a smart shopper - but now I can totally see that most chinese are like that. Getting something beautiful/suitable is NOTHING compared to getting something that is a bargain.
It's weird. This Chinese mentality is so familiar to me that I wouldn't need to think before these words just came out of my mouth! It only became interesting because my friend's husband found it so amusing!
I'm Chinese afterall!
Sunday, March 04, 2007
A chance to be challenged
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
I wish myself to remember that all the time. Esp. when I feel that it will be an interesting challenge in the next 9 months, as I realign myself in every way...
Life's good, because God allows us to experience new things every day. Even when the environment is familiar, we have new thoughts that energize us all the time. It's good.
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
I wish myself to remember that all the time. Esp. when I feel that it will be an interesting challenge in the next 9 months, as I realign myself in every way...
Life's good, because God allows us to experience new things every day. Even when the environment is familiar, we have new thoughts that energize us all the time. It's good.
The Whistler weekend
Just came back from Whistler. It has been a fun trip (well, I was going to say relaxing, but given that I'm sore ALL over I'm not sure how "relaxing" it was :P); it's just nice to spend some time with the cell group. So happy we got one of them to snowboard even though she didn't want to try it!!! At the end it's all about experience and I'm glad that she actually enjoyed it. We didn't do much - last night we "planned" to play a lot of games and have fun... Little did we know how tired we really were - once we finished dinner, someone started to play the movie "Little miss sunshine" and we all fell asleep... I woke up in time to watch the ending but can't comment much about the plot!!Snowboarding. Something I hate and love at the same time. On one hand, I like the feeling of "flying" (crawling?) in the snow; on the other, I'm really worried that one of these days I will fall so bad that it will cost me literally an arm and a leg (and my back!!) Yesterday at the end I wiped out so badly ("tumbling down" may be a better phrase) as my fatigue took over that today I almost couldn't move. I do think I'm getting a little better at carving - at least when the slope's not steep. Just don't have a lot of control. Quite scary.
Speaking of control. A friend/dear sister talked about how we as humans love having control and how God esp. shows us that He himself is God when we are "out of control". It seems like a very simple concept - yet as prideful beings - we just don't want to give up our control. These days for most people life has to happen a certain way, or it's "unfair"...
I remember a hymn "It is well with my soul". A couple of my friends went to see Brian Doerksen's concert this weekned - I hope he sang this song - now this is a song that gives me a glimpse of how a person can lose so much and still has peace and that faith to pen these words. I remember the first time I heard the song in worship conference in Edmonton I was moved to tears...
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well,
with my soul.
I have always been so amazed - I suppose I have never experienced that degree of "thorns" in my life... perhaps this day will come (I certainly won't pray for them) - and I will remember the encouragement from the lyrics!
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Disappointment
Sometimes I don't know how to handle disappointment.
What if something happens, and you get so disappointed that you cannot control your emotion--yet you know you cannot say anything, and that you still need to be composed and just act as if nothing happens --still nod and smile and continue to encourage. All because you do not want to let people see your disappointment - and because you don't want to be the one who demotivates?
That was me today. Whatever happened itself is not a big deal, but what I have trouble handling is the underlying problem that caused it to happen in the first place. I can't get out of the system, and I feel helpless because I don't see that things will change.
They all say to accept. They all say that God puts in a certain situation because He wants you to learn. And I believe He does. But other than putting a brave face and continues on, I don't know what else to do. I truly have much to learn.
Perhaps I'm thinking too much. On the other hand, I believe that no one is indispensible in any organization/system, so I wouldn't be either. When what I say will start affecting people, I almost want to just leave. Or perhaps it's time to let go.
What if something happens, and you get so disappointed that you cannot control your emotion--yet you know you cannot say anything, and that you still need to be composed and just act as if nothing happens --still nod and smile and continue to encourage. All because you do not want to let people see your disappointment - and because you don't want to be the one who demotivates?
That was me today. Whatever happened itself is not a big deal, but what I have trouble handling is the underlying problem that caused it to happen in the first place. I can't get out of the system, and I feel helpless because I don't see that things will change.
They all say to accept. They all say that God puts in a certain situation because He wants you to learn. And I believe He does. But other than putting a brave face and continues on, I don't know what else to do. I truly have much to learn.
Perhaps I'm thinking too much. On the other hand, I believe that no one is indispensible in any organization/system, so I wouldn't be either. When what I say will start affecting people, I almost want to just leave. Or perhaps it's time to let go.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
The need to exercise
I went to hot yoga tonight with a friend. Haven't gone there on a weeknight for a LONG time. It felt really good. After doing it ~4 times this year, I am already regaining some of the flexibility I lost last year as I was struggling with my determination to exercise.Anyways, I think I'm back. I had my goals of how much exercise I want to do - and hopefully I can get back into it. My friend told me that I motivated her to exercise, and yet now I'm the one who has slacked off and who has put a lot of other things as a higher priority. So even though I kept scheduling gym in my outlook calendar, I keep canceling because at the end of the day I would choose work.
And I really notice the difference. It's not just fat developing in my tummy (which itself won't annoy me THAT much)--but I am lacking the energy that I used to have (well, I suppose I can be getting older too, but I won't allow myself to think in that direction). I know I know - Sleep has a lot to do with it... but still - anyways, I am determined to get back to it. I realize being fit is very important to me. God has given us all a beautiful body to take care of. And we should!
Valentine's
This is my Valentine's present from him :
My favorite tofu dish (plus soup + 1 more main dish, after 2 hours of hard work) - Not bad eh? =) Now I don't have to go to that restaurant on 41st/Fraser anymore!!
Back to the topic of Valentine's Day. Some people hate it, some people do. I don't know how I feel about it. I suppose this date holds dear to me for an entirely different reason--but I won't go there. As for last night, it wasn't very special - no flowers (which was a good call I think; it probably would have been left in Bby anyways). I didn't want to eat out, so we just spent the time cooking and watching TV. Of course, I had unresolved stuff from work that I needed to figure out, so was on the computer a lot. Nonetheless it was good and relaxing.
My favorite tofu dish (plus soup + 1 more main dish, after 2 hours of hard work) - Not bad eh? =) Now I don't have to go to that restaurant on 41st/Fraser anymore!!
Back to the topic of Valentine's Day. Some people hate it, some people do. I don't know how I feel about it. I suppose this date holds dear to me for an entirely different reason--but I won't go there. As for last night, it wasn't very special - no flowers (which was a good call I think; it probably would have been left in Bby anyways). I didn't want to eat out, so we just spent the time cooking and watching TV. Of course, I had unresolved stuff from work that I needed to figure out, so was on the computer a lot. Nonetheless it was good and relaxing.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
What would I give up?
We wanted to do something to promote lent this year, so in the past week (and this week), I'm starting to think about how to help kick it off, esp. with the drama team. Purpose really is to increase our awareness and enter into a period of sorrowful reflection remember Christ - His death, His suffering--and later on ending in celebrating His ressurection. I am ashamed to say that before this year I didn't even know what lent is (I know I'm not catholic but I should at least know the origin!)
Anyways, as we are gearing ourselves up into writing different sketches--different questions pop up in mind. We aren't officially "observing lent" in a traditional sense (no fasting, etc.), what should we convey to the congregation exactly thru these sketches? Obviously we don't want to say too much - since it's one's own journey in this period.
Then the second question is more of a practical one for myself - what will I give up??? It seems like now with such an abundance of things being provided for us - we don't know what we should give up? Someone told me that he can't think of anything because he doesn't think it's that hard to give up one thing (even if it's his favorite), because there's something else that's favorite for him that could fill the 40 days....
Are we then missing the point of this liturgical practice? I want to spend sometime for the rest of the week to reflect on this for myself... (well, one thing for sure - I kinda know what I should be giving up!)
Anyways, as we are gearing ourselves up into writing different sketches--different questions pop up in mind. We aren't officially "observing lent" in a traditional sense (no fasting, etc.), what should we convey to the congregation exactly thru these sketches? Obviously we don't want to say too much - since it's one's own journey in this period.
Then the second question is more of a practical one for myself - what will I give up??? It seems like now with such an abundance of things being provided for us - we don't know what we should give up? Someone told me that he can't think of anything because he doesn't think it's that hard to give up one thing (even if it's his favorite), because there's something else that's favorite for him that could fill the 40 days....
Are we then missing the point of this liturgical practice? I want to spend sometime for the rest of the week to reflect on this for myself... (well, one thing for sure - I kinda know what I should be giving up!)
Monday, February 12, 2007
The Wife of Noble Character
Quite a few friends of mine are talking about getting married. I was flipping thru the bible last night - couldn't help but stop at Proverbs 31. Hmmm... reading this makes the back of my hand sweat. This is Chinese traditional wife + North American feminist combined... and how many years can she survive getting that little sleep??
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Risk management
Don't know if it's my nature to want to plan most things in my life, I find myself really drawn to the Risk management portion of the PM program. Anyways, this is some food for thought:
Humans have a natural tendency to:
1) Overestimate their risk tolerance;
2) Underestimate the time and amount of money to get things done;
3) Overestimate the precision and accuracy of our judgment.
How true (at least in my own life!)
It's so funny to hear our instructor recount all the stories about her using all the risk analysis tool to make decisions in her life. I suppose it must be a fun trick for her, esp. with her non-analytical husband!
I am told that ever since I started in project management, I treat everything as a project in my life. Wondering when I should start usuing decision tree with W. Mwhhhhhhaaaaa!!!! (but first, I'll convince my boss to buy me the add-on to MS project so that I can play with the risk analysis tool!)
Errrr... W - don't worry, I remember the story of Along came Polly.
Humans have a natural tendency to:
1) Overestimate their risk tolerance;
2) Underestimate the time and amount of money to get things done;
3) Overestimate the precision and accuracy of our judgment.
How true (at least in my own life!)
It's so funny to hear our instructor recount all the stories about her using all the risk analysis tool to make decisions in her life. I suppose it must be a fun trick for her, esp. with her non-analytical husband!
I am told that ever since I started in project management, I treat everything as a project in my life. Wondering when I should start usuing decision tree with W. Mwhhhhhhaaaaa!!!! (but first, I'll convince my boss to buy me the add-on to MS project so that I can play with the risk analysis tool!)
Errrr... W - don't worry, I remember the story of Along came Polly.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Smile that lights up the world
Two hands of a child went up and reached out to me tonight - waiting for my embrace. She didn't know me at all - and when I lifted her up, she smiled--laughed actually. That innocent face melted me completely and reminded once again what beauty is. Yes, and how God's blessings can be so clear even when humans don't think that way.
My thoughts went back to a conversation I had not long ago with my mom, and another one with W. I pray that whatever happens, I will have the strength and the spiritual discernment to do what's right. And I pray that I'll always cherish life. Because every life is God's miracle.
My thoughts went back to a conversation I had not long ago with my mom, and another one with W. I pray that whatever happens, I will have the strength and the spiritual discernment to do what's right. And I pray that I'll always cherish life. Because every life is God's miracle.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Limit
The belief in my own ability finally backfired, and I'm learning my lesson. There are still long ways to go, but I am definitely more keen on the concept of time and the need to distinguish between work and personal life.
Yah, I think I finally reached my limit. The days are long gone--those days that I could stay up for 72 hours without anyone noticing. I always know I am capable--and I never really care whether others recognize my achievements/contributions; I don't quite mind about moving up in my career either (esp. not w/in this company). What exactly am I trying to prove?? Honestly I don't understand why I put so much effort into this project, and why I am so loyal/attached to it. I try to blame it on my perfectionist nature - but it' s not that either. I don't know.
Suddenly I feel so--human. In all its limitations. And after one day of totally-losing-it (esp after the near-accident), I actually feel good. It's good to be reminded how much I cannot do. And how much I need God. That desire is coming back. Finally.
And wow - how much He has provided for me--someone He put in my life to calm me down... someone who said he loved me.
Yah, I think I finally reached my limit. The days are long gone--those days that I could stay up for 72 hours without anyone noticing. I always know I am capable--and I never really care whether others recognize my achievements/contributions; I don't quite mind about moving up in my career either (esp. not w/in this company). What exactly am I trying to prove?? Honestly I don't understand why I put so much effort into this project, and why I am so loyal/attached to it. I try to blame it on my perfectionist nature - but it' s not that either. I don't know.
Suddenly I feel so--human. In all its limitations. And after one day of totally-losing-it (esp after the near-accident), I actually feel good. It's good to be reminded how much I cannot do. And how much I need God. That desire is coming back. Finally.
And wow - how much He has provided for me--someone He put in my life to calm me down... someone who said he loved me.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
New Year... a year of change
Can't believe how long I haven't touched my blog... result of life's busyness... (ok fine, no excuse)
So I thought that I would be frantically looking for job when the new year comes so that I wouldn't be sitting at home for too long after Feb 2. But during the Christmas holiday I got an extension offer and then my trip to Boston, all the negotiation and figuring out what my role is in the new team/company, etc. etc... time just has been passing by so quickly.
I sometimes wonder why I'm taking the extended stay--because theoretically now is not a bad time for me to do job search (beginning of year). But I really have too much loyalty to the project I'm working on. Since my service is needed and I haven't got a job lined up, why not. It will give me exposure to how a different company functions (better or worse, it's still an educational experience)...
The past week has been so hectic at work--I haven't stayed up THAT late looking at gantt charts!! As ridiculous as it sounds, I welcomed the change. Before X'mas I got so bored at work that I find myself actually excited about being busy... this is a scary thought. People always said that I'm a workholic, but I really like what I'm doing and apparently, I can really do it nonstop...
No matter what, this year is still going to be a year of change for me. I'm hoping that I can transition to a new job by end of September and that I don't need to take any time off between jobs (yah, I know that sounds weird). That, and my hope to help build the church drama team and develop stronger disciples of Christ at church. A lot of prayers and perseverence needed I'm sure.
On another note: I have been thinking about finding a mentor to keep me accountable and I think God has shed some light!! Need to pray more and see if this is God's blessings for me!
So I thought that I would be frantically looking for job when the new year comes so that I wouldn't be sitting at home for too long after Feb 2. But during the Christmas holiday I got an extension offer and then my trip to Boston, all the negotiation and figuring out what my role is in the new team/company, etc. etc... time just has been passing by so quickly.
I sometimes wonder why I'm taking the extended stay--because theoretically now is not a bad time for me to do job search (beginning of year). But I really have too much loyalty to the project I'm working on. Since my service is needed and I haven't got a job lined up, why not. It will give me exposure to how a different company functions (better or worse, it's still an educational experience)...
The past week has been so hectic at work--I haven't stayed up THAT late looking at gantt charts!! As ridiculous as it sounds, I welcomed the change. Before X'mas I got so bored at work that I find myself actually excited about being busy... this is a scary thought. People always said that I'm a workholic, but I really like what I'm doing and apparently, I can really do it nonstop...
No matter what, this year is still going to be a year of change for me. I'm hoping that I can transition to a new job by end of September and that I don't need to take any time off between jobs (yah, I know that sounds weird). That, and my hope to help build the church drama team and develop stronger disciples of Christ at church. A lot of prayers and perseverence needed I'm sure.
On another note: I have been thinking about finding a mentor to keep me accountable and I think God has shed some light!! Need to pray more and see if this is God's blessings for me!
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