Everyone who knew that I was going back to HK said this to me: "Buy more stuff! You are going back at the right time! They have tons of things on sale now!"
So in the first few days I walked around to malls and shops a lot (at least to my standard). Went to Cheung Kwan O, Tsim Sha Tsui, Tsuen Wan, Paradise Mall (in Heng Fa Chuen)... some of the stuff are quite a bit cheaper so at first I didn't mind buying... By the end of the 3rd day, I was already "tired" of the idea of shopping. If it's not because a friend was telling me how I should go to Mongkok to buy cheap stuff, I wouldn't even have gone. But I went and I couldn't really bring myself to buying stuff.
There are several things I don't like about shopping:
1) When things are on sale, people flock over there (esp. Chinese people). So places are extremely extremely crowded. I don't really like places with lots of people.
2) Chinese people all like deals. But they like choosing the best - so clothes are all over the places. If you look from afar, it's almost like a flea market out there.
3) After a while, all the malls look the same. They all say they have sale (up to) 50 or even 70%. Then I need to do conversions and see if they are really cheap. I'm also wary of WHERE I go shopping; the same thing in 2 different places would have a different cost.
4) Even if something is cheap, I still need to spend $$. Most of the things are what I WANT, not really what I NEED. Sometimes it's even worse - I buy something not because I really like it (sometimes I can't decide whether I like something either :P), but because I couldn't refuse the salesperson. I'm getting a little better at this now, but still not very good. For the same reason I don't like shopping by myself..........
Anyways, in the past few days I got grossed out with the idea of going to any mall. I still went to apm (another new mall) in Kwun Tong today, just so that I can tell others "I have been there". But I didn't buy anything at all.
There's not much to HK other than shopping...... so I think I'm pretty ready to leave HK now =)
Friday, December 30, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Ouch... my BACK!!!
The moment I found out I went to the wrong hotel after I arrived in HK, I knew it was trouble... the 1 hour of carrying luggage had pretty much reversed everything that my chiropractor did for the past few months.
In the past few days I have been suffering from major back pain... with all the walking around it has gotten even worse. Sometimes I have trouble even standing up straight, and I got scared of the pain I would experience before sneezing (I think I'm coming down with a cold as well). The worst thing is, it seems wasteful if I just sit at home the whole day - so I sort of *have* to go out. After the wedding day, I spent 3 straight days walking around. Each day I went to different places, but each day after about 2-3 hours of walking, my back started to scream for rest. I longed to sit down but I was always on the way to somewhere... so I never really got to sit down.
Yesterday was the worst. I walked around Tsim Sha Tsui for almost 4 hours - but I had to wait for my high school friends to get off work so that we could have dinner together. My friend called me and told me about the new building IFC in Central. So I took the Star Ferry back to go to Central. By the time I reached IFC, I was really really tired, and my back was hurting very badly. Normally if I am in a Vancouver mall, I would find the food court and sit down (I brought a book with me anyways)... of course I found out the hard way that most HK malls don't have food courts. So I walked and walked around w/o finding any seats. I decided to go to coffee shop, thinking that I would pay $5 CDN for a latte just so that I could sit down and enjoyed some reading... what I didn't expect was how crowded the place was. I bought the coffee, but I couldn't find a seat!!!! So I continued to walk around searching for a seat somewhere (I refused to sit on the stairs - don't know why :P)..............
Finally I really couldn't stand it - I went to McDonalds and ordered a Grilled Chicken pita (which, btw, is very salty!!)... even in McD I waited for a bit before finding a seat... and then I just sat and read for over an hour before my friend came to rescue me...
I tried going to the gym and stretch more. But it's not helping that much... looks like I'll be starting the new year with old back pain!
In the past few days I have been suffering from major back pain... with all the walking around it has gotten even worse. Sometimes I have trouble even standing up straight, and I got scared of the pain I would experience before sneezing (I think I'm coming down with a cold as well). The worst thing is, it seems wasteful if I just sit at home the whole day - so I sort of *have* to go out. After the wedding day, I spent 3 straight days walking around. Each day I went to different places, but each day after about 2-3 hours of walking, my back started to scream for rest. I longed to sit down but I was always on the way to somewhere... so I never really got to sit down.
Yesterday was the worst. I walked around Tsim Sha Tsui for almost 4 hours - but I had to wait for my high school friends to get off work so that we could have dinner together. My friend called me and told me about the new building IFC in Central. So I took the Star Ferry back to go to Central. By the time I reached IFC, I was really really tired, and my back was hurting very badly. Normally if I am in a Vancouver mall, I would find the food court and sit down (I brought a book with me anyways)... of course I found out the hard way that most HK malls don't have food courts. So I walked and walked around w/o finding any seats. I decided to go to coffee shop, thinking that I would pay $5 CDN for a latte just so that I could sit down and enjoyed some reading... what I didn't expect was how crowded the place was. I bought the coffee, but I couldn't find a seat!!!! So I continued to walk around searching for a seat somewhere (I refused to sit on the stairs - don't know why :P)..............
Finally I really couldn't stand it - I went to McDonalds and ordered a Grilled Chicken pita (which, btw, is very salty!!)... even in McD I waited for a bit before finding a seat... and then I just sat and read for over an hour before my friend came to rescue me...
I tried going to the gym and stretch more. But it's not helping that much... looks like I'll be starting the new year with old back pain!
Cat lover in-training
I have always liked dogs more than cats. I don't even know why - I think it's because I always thought that dogs are more loyal and friendly and can be "trained" more (well, but I don't know how many dogs will still bark when strangers approach a house). Some of my friends in Vancouver have dogs and I like playing with them (most like playing with me as well).
However this trip certainly changes my viewpoint on cats. I never really have any feelings (positive or negative) toward them. But since two of my friends who moved back to HK after graduation got cats (both were single and living by themselves), I had a chance to actually "live" with cats. (I'm staying at both their places in my trip)
The first one doesn't play with people much. The moment you try to touch him, he runs away. And boy does he like eating. Whatever you place in front of him--he'll just eat till there's nothing left. (Apparently the cat doctor said that he is overweight and should be on diet--I guess not surprisingly.) I like this cat even tho it's a bit big as a cat :) One more thing that's very cute about him - he is scared of blowdryer... the moment the noise of blowdryer comes on, he runs away like crazy....
The second one is an absolutely adorable one. This one is a she. Boy she is SOOOO cute. At first when I arrived at my friend's place (who actually just left for Vancouver), I was a little worried that the cat would be scared of me or wouldn't like me, etc. etc. But the moment I entered the apartment, she came out and was making a noise in her throat (later on I found out that this is "purring" and that means that the cat is happy). And then she wouldn't leave me... her behavior is sooooo cute - always trying to lure me into playing with her and always like to roll around with the head facing upwards... on the first day she only wanted me to play with her and was very restless (wouldn't sit still). By the second night when I got back home - after playing with me for a while she just sat quietly beside me... and i ended up falling asleep with her on my lap).
Even as I'm typing now, she's leaning on the side of the laptop with her eyes half closed - once every min she'll be using her paw to touch my hand gently... (it took me a while to get her to not touch the keyboard or the monitor tho) I'm quite amazed how still she can stay--on the desk or on my lap (sometimes I think that the typing sound makes her sleepy)...
I don't know - Pookie almost makes me want to get a cat myself. She's very easy to take care of. She will eat when she is hungy (and most importantly won't overeat!)... and she apparently comes pretrained and kept herself quite clean. During the daytime she'll hide somewhere (sleeping?) and only comes out during the night. And her behavior is toooo cute - it's almost impossible to not want to play with her!!! I'm thinking - if I live by myself (like my 2 friends) and if I have enough $$, I definitely will get a cat!
There are many people in my company who have cats... when I return to Vancouver I have to tell them that I got converted to being a cat lover!! :D
Oh btw, before I always thought that people who do baby-talk with their pets are really weird - but I find myself doing the same thing in the past 2 days!!!
"Pookie.... awwwwwwwww.... miao miao... You're a bad girl!!!... NO pookie did you hear me, NO!.... Awwwwwwwww Pooookie you are so cute do you know??"
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! ^_^
However this trip certainly changes my viewpoint on cats. I never really have any feelings (positive or negative) toward them. But since two of my friends who moved back to HK after graduation got cats (both were single and living by themselves), I had a chance to actually "live" with cats. (I'm staying at both their places in my trip)
The first one doesn't play with people much. The moment you try to touch him, he runs away. And boy does he like eating. Whatever you place in front of him--he'll just eat till there's nothing left. (Apparently the cat doctor said that he is overweight and should be on diet--I guess not surprisingly.) I like this cat even tho it's a bit big as a cat :) One more thing that's very cute about him - he is scared of blowdryer... the moment the noise of blowdryer comes on, he runs away like crazy....
The second one is an absolutely adorable one. This one is a she. Boy she is SOOOO cute. At first when I arrived at my friend's place (who actually just left for Vancouver), I was a little worried that the cat would be scared of me or wouldn't like me, etc. etc. But the moment I entered the apartment, she came out and was making a noise in her throat (later on I found out that this is "purring" and that means that the cat is happy). And then she wouldn't leave me... her behavior is sooooo cute - always trying to lure me into playing with her and always like to roll around with the head facing upwards... on the first day she only wanted me to play with her and was very restless (wouldn't sit still). By the second night when I got back home - after playing with me for a while she just sat quietly beside me... and i ended up falling asleep with her on my lap).
Even as I'm typing now, she's leaning on the side of the laptop with her eyes half closed - once every min she'll be using her paw to touch my hand gently... (it took me a while to get her to not touch the keyboard or the monitor tho) I'm quite amazed how still she can stay--on the desk or on my lap (sometimes I think that the typing sound makes her sleepy)...
I don't know - Pookie almost makes me want to get a cat myself. She's very easy to take care of. She will eat when she is hungy (and most importantly won't overeat!)... and she apparently comes pretrained and kept herself quite clean. During the daytime she'll hide somewhere (sleeping?) and only comes out during the night. And her behavior is toooo cute - it's almost impossible to not want to play with her!!! I'm thinking - if I live by myself (like my 2 friends) and if I have enough $$, I definitely will get a cat!
There are many people in my company who have cats... when I return to Vancouver I have to tell them that I got converted to being a cat lover!! :D
Oh btw, before I always thought that people who do baby-talk with their pets are really weird - but I find myself doing the same thing in the past 2 days!!!
"Pookie.... awwwwwwwww.... miao miao... You're a bad girl!!!... NO pookie did you hear me, NO!.... Awwwwwwwww Pooookie you are so cute do you know??"
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! ^_^
Observations about HK... Days 1-4
1. There are MANY buses in HK. They are all over the place. If you take a random picture on the road you'll most certainly catch one.
2. It's very easy to see what is "in style" (clothes fashion wise) even if you only walk around in HK for one day. Everyone wears similar things. This year it's boots with shorts/capris (or even just jeans) folded-up.
3. People in HK have amazing ability to withstand heat. At 18oC to 21oC I see people with down-fur coat/wool coat with scarf. Even watching them makes me sweat.
4. Many people in HK wear jeans to attend wedding banquets. Apparently my friend said that this is so because they get invited to too many weddings. Also it seems that for many HK weddings the ceremony and the banquets are on 2 different dates (this completely surprised me because I didn't know until 2 weeks ago that I would be missing my friend's wedding ceremony!).
5. Many malls in HK do not have food courts. (I couldn't find a single seat in IFC where I could sit - even the coffee shops were all full).
6. Most working single people do not go home for dinner. It's too convenient to go out and people work till too late.
7. If you are good you can bargain even in expensive chain stores --I thought before that usually people only bargain when they go up to China (With the help of my friend, I bought a pretty good coat almost in half price.)
8. There are many people who wear masks on the street. Must be the pollution or the fear of getting infected or spreading the flu... or the consequence of SARS a few years back....
... I'm sure there are more but I can't think of any now. Should have written it down on the road...
To be continued...
2. It's very easy to see what is "in style" (clothes fashion wise) even if you only walk around in HK for one day. Everyone wears similar things. This year it's boots with shorts/capris (or even just jeans) folded-up.
3. People in HK have amazing ability to withstand heat. At 18oC to 21oC I see people with down-fur coat/wool coat with scarf. Even watching them makes me sweat.
4. Many people in HK wear jeans to attend wedding banquets. Apparently my friend said that this is so because they get invited to too many weddings. Also it seems that for many HK weddings the ceremony and the banquets are on 2 different dates (this completely surprised me because I didn't know until 2 weeks ago that I would be missing my friend's wedding ceremony!).
5. Many malls in HK do not have food courts. (I couldn't find a single seat in IFC where I could sit - even the coffee shops were all full).
6. Most working single people do not go home for dinner. It's too convenient to go out and people work till too late.
7. If you are good you can bargain even in expensive chain stores --I thought before that usually people only bargain when they go up to China (With the help of my friend, I bought a pretty good coat almost in half price.)
8. There are many people who wear masks on the street. Must be the pollution or the fear of getting infected or spreading the flu... or the consequence of SARS a few years back....
... I'm sure there are more but I can't think of any now. Should have written it down on the road...
To be continued...
The wedding... Day 2
This is the third time I'm being a maid of honor (so I think I can't be one anymore or I'll never get married myself :P)... because I had it easy in the previous 2 times (the first one I flied down to LA 3 days before wedding; second time the bride flied up to Vancouver 2-3 days before the wedding), I really didn't know what to do this time... and of course because I'm flying back to HK the day before the wedding banquet, I couldn't really do much anyways.
This wedding in HK is a little different from the ones I attended before. Because the wedding ceremony has already been held 2 days before (and I missed it!!! :( ), the whole day is basically all the "chinese traditions" stuff. Apparently it's now becoming more common that people will stay in the hotel the night before the wedding; so all the games we played for "getting the bride" were actually in the hotel room (the guys were very good at not crossing the line). The games were the standard ones, but they were quite fun... the one thing that we sisters forgot though was to actually get the "red pocket $$" from the "brothers" (the reason for us to not let the groom sees the bride in the first place)!!
I find that in this wedding I really didn't do much... after the first part, the bride and the groom went to the groom's family's apartment... even though I was the maid of honor, I didn't have to follow them (the bride was being very nice; she thought I would have jet lag having just arrived HK). So I helped check out the hotel room and followed the bride's parents to her place... I even had quite a bit of time to do my own stuff and looked for luggages and other things!!
We didn't take the MTR to the banquet place (same hotel; the Chinese restaurant occupies one floor) until 5 something at night... We arrived at around 5:45pm... then we had almost 3 hours of mingling before the banquet actually started (that's another thing very different from Vancouver weddings - the waiters normally start serving dinner by 7:30pm at the latest!). By the time dinner started (~9pm) all of us (including the bride and groom) were starving!!
The food at the banquet was very good... I wasn't supposed to eat seafood (and many other food) because of my skin condition (which got worse because of the flight + the 2 hour adventure to get to the hotel on nite of arrival). However I didn't want to look odd, I still ate most of the seafood stuff that got served in front of me.
All in all - I think the day went quite smooth. There weren't many games at all (only one that involves naming baby names, very mild) - so the banquet is kinda like a photo-taking session + dinner... I guess from the organizer's point of view, this is a best arrangement...
After attending so many weddings in the past few years (and knowing that quite a few friends are getting married next year as well), I do wonder what kind of wedding I want to have myself... to tell you the truth, I don't really know. One part of me wants to share my joy with everyone - the other part of me wants a very cozy little wedding with only family and a few good friends...
Oh well, I guess I don't have to think about it now...
This wedding in HK is a little different from the ones I attended before. Because the wedding ceremony has already been held 2 days before (and I missed it!!! :( ), the whole day is basically all the "chinese traditions" stuff. Apparently it's now becoming more common that people will stay in the hotel the night before the wedding; so all the games we played for "getting the bride" were actually in the hotel room (the guys were very good at not crossing the line). The games were the standard ones, but they were quite fun... the one thing that we sisters forgot though was to actually get the "red pocket $$" from the "brothers" (the reason for us to not let the groom sees the bride in the first place)!!
I find that in this wedding I really didn't do much... after the first part, the bride and the groom went to the groom's family's apartment... even though I was the maid of honor, I didn't have to follow them (the bride was being very nice; she thought I would have jet lag having just arrived HK). So I helped check out the hotel room and followed the bride's parents to her place... I even had quite a bit of time to do my own stuff and looked for luggages and other things!!
We didn't take the MTR to the banquet place (same hotel; the Chinese restaurant occupies one floor) until 5 something at night... We arrived at around 5:45pm... then we had almost 3 hours of mingling before the banquet actually started (that's another thing very different from Vancouver weddings - the waiters normally start serving dinner by 7:30pm at the latest!). By the time dinner started (~9pm) all of us (including the bride and groom) were starving!!
The food at the banquet was very good... I wasn't supposed to eat seafood (and many other food) because of my skin condition (which got worse because of the flight + the 2 hour adventure to get to the hotel on nite of arrival). However I didn't want to look odd, I still ate most of the seafood stuff that got served in front of me.
All in all - I think the day went quite smooth. There weren't many games at all (only one that involves naming baby names, very mild) - so the banquet is kinda like a photo-taking session + dinner... I guess from the organizer's point of view, this is a best arrangement...
After attending so many weddings in the past few years (and knowing that quite a few friends are getting married next year as well), I do wonder what kind of wedding I want to have myself... to tell you the truth, I don't really know. One part of me wants to share my joy with everyone - the other part of me wants a very cozy little wedding with only family and a few good friends...
Oh well, I guess I don't have to think about it now...
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
My first business class flight - Day 1
Can't believe I have already in HK for 3 days!! These 3 days really have been quite eventful... the trip started when I was checking in at the Vancouver airport, when the person at the flight counter told me that they have a Christmas present for me: because the flight is very full, they will upgrade my ticket to business class. At the time I didn't think much about it (because I was too sad to leave Vancouver :P). But I quite quickly turned grateful when I found just *how* comfortable business class is!! the size of seat is one, but also the meals and service are excellent. For me it was much needed, because I had no problem sleeping on the plane (and still enjoyed 3 movies + 2 documentaries)... it was really an enjoyable flight (even tho we arrived at the HK airport 1/2 hour late)...
After I arrived to HK, I went straight to airport express and took the free shuttle bus to the hotel I thought I was supposed to go (where my friend's staying before her wededing). Little did I know - no one apparently knows that there are 2 hotels with similar names, and the one that my friend gave the transportation direction to is actually not the one that I was supposed to go to... so I ended up walking through streets and streets with a heavy luggage whose wheels didn't work in order to take MTR back to the correct hotel. The worst is that I couldn't even take a taxi because there was road blockage with all the Christmas events that were going on in Tsim Sha Tsui. By the time I arrived in my friend's room, my back and arm and shoulder were ALL sore!
Still all in all I was very grateful that I finally arrived safely - and I knew I had to rest right away because the next day would be my friend's wedding...
... to be continued
After I arrived to HK, I went straight to airport express and took the free shuttle bus to the hotel I thought I was supposed to go (where my friend's staying before her wededing). Little did I know - no one apparently knows that there are 2 hotels with similar names, and the one that my friend gave the transportation direction to is actually not the one that I was supposed to go to... so I ended up walking through streets and streets with a heavy luggage whose wheels didn't work in order to take MTR back to the correct hotel. The worst is that I couldn't even take a taxi because there was road blockage with all the Christmas events that were going on in Tsim Sha Tsui. By the time I arrived in my friend's room, my back and arm and shoulder were ALL sore!
Still all in all I was very grateful that I finally arrived safely - and I knew I had to rest right away because the next day would be my friend's wedding...
... to be continued
Saturday, December 24, 2005
3 hours to go
Couldn't sleep last night. For me who really have NEVER suffered insomnia, it's really a torture... I don't even know why it feel so different this time going back to HK. I mean, I don't even know what I'm feeling... a very mixed one... I'm sort of excited going back to see different things, etc. but then HK is a place I grew up in, so it's not exactly "new" to me either.
I haven't really planned much for the trip - even for packing I didn't start doing it until late last night. Wanted to pack all my clothes and then every one of my friends is asking me to just go back to HK to buy. But I'm not much of a shopper either. To have to shop for every day clothes as a supply when I'm traveling is sort of a new thing to me. Heck I don't even know if I like shopping in HK. Didn't remember buying much at all last time when I went back...
Sigh... have a headache now. This morning I came out from showering to discover that all my family has gone to Dim sum. It just made me feel like I'm an invisible part of the family. I always blame myself for not spending enough time at home... but ultimately I know that it's lack of communication. Funny thing is that it's just between me and the rest of them. My brother has no problem (and I'm supposed to be a better communicator).
I don't know - I feel lost about not being close to my family. I think esp. at Christmas time it hit me harder. Sort of dampen the anticipation of this HK trip.
aiya. Hopefully I can enjoy the trip... most importantly, no puffy eyes at my friend's wedding... :P
I haven't really planned much for the trip - even for packing I didn't start doing it until late last night. Wanted to pack all my clothes and then every one of my friends is asking me to just go back to HK to buy. But I'm not much of a shopper either. To have to shop for every day clothes as a supply when I'm traveling is sort of a new thing to me. Heck I don't even know if I like shopping in HK. Didn't remember buying much at all last time when I went back...
Sigh... have a headache now. This morning I came out from showering to discover that all my family has gone to Dim sum. It just made me feel like I'm an invisible part of the family. I always blame myself for not spending enough time at home... but ultimately I know that it's lack of communication. Funny thing is that it's just between me and the rest of them. My brother has no problem (and I'm supposed to be a better communicator).
I don't know - I feel lost about not being close to my family. I think esp. at Christmas time it hit me harder. Sort of dampen the anticipation of this HK trip.
aiya. Hopefully I can enjoy the trip... most importantly, no puffy eyes at my friend's wedding... :P
Monday, December 19, 2005
Christmas is coming?
For us Christians, Christmas is a time to remember the birth of Christ, to remember God's love and humility... and in the This year for some reason I don't feel like Christmas is coming. Heck I don't even feel that I only have 3 days of work before I don't have to drive to Langley for THREE whole weeks! I don't know... perhaps because of the anticipation of going for the HK/China trip... or perhaps because I am not going to be spending Christmas in Vancouver, it just feels different from previous years...
People talk about commercialization of Christmas or the Spirit of giving during the season, etc. etc. I don't have much feeling to all these. (But yes I refuse to go close to any mall). I don't have a lot of people to give gifts to, so I don't have to worry about the former; we ought to give with or without Christmas anyways - so I don't normally do special thing for the latter (though I am always glad to participate if others organize).
Anyways, it still feels very weird to be spending Christmas on the plane... I'm not really sure how to take it...
People talk about commercialization of Christmas or the Spirit of giving during the season, etc. etc. I don't have much feeling to all these. (But yes I refuse to go close to any mall). I don't have a lot of people to give gifts to, so I don't have to worry about the former; we ought to give with or without Christmas anyways - so I don't normally do special thing for the latter (though I am always glad to participate if others organize).
Anyways, it still feels very weird to be spending Christmas on the plane... I'm not really sure how to take it...
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
To help or not to help
These days there is a lot of talk about how sad our world has become. A guy tried to help a woman who was being assaulted (by her boyfriend) and ended up being beaten almost to death--and the woman never thanked him and instead claimed that her bf never hit her. Another recent story about a homeless person being unconscious on the street for hours before someone took him to the hospital... there were a lot of passer-bys who never bothered to help because they thought "it's just a homeless guy".
So then the question becomes: do we have to be so careful these days as to choose who to help (or not help)? When do we know that we should help? I was always taught to lend people a hand when I see a need - but I was also told tons of horror stories about good samaritans who are being cheated/hurt. I remember a friend asking me before: if I am driving and I see a parked car with a guy opening the front hood trying to do something (and it looks like the car is not starting or something is wrong), do I stop... My honest answer was... it depends. I have actually done both. But I have also been at the receiving end - you have NO idea how grateful I was when someone pulled over to shoulder of Hwy 1 and offered to change the flat tire on my car... yet I'm also told always to be cautious about helping others. Sometimes I do wonder what our world is coming to.
Christmas is coming - some friends are thinking about organizing/making/handing out sandwiches to people in downtown - for me tho, even tho I know it is a good idea and gesture, I always wonder if the money collected can be put into better use. One thing that keeps bugging me is the thought that this year it will be a cold winter in Vancouver. With the sleeping centres not being open unless it's -4oC or under, I think a lot of homeless people will have to endure the cold.... but how do you judge whether blankets or food are more important? The need is everywhere... I suppose as they always say in fundraising campaign--"every cent helps"
Now these days I keep on hearing on the radio that all the disasters that have happened in the past year has really thinned out people's enthusiasm to donate at end of year. The local food banks are getting record low cash... I am always of the opinion that if there is a system in place (non-profit organizations, etc.) that is already focusing their effort into helping the needy (local or global), then I'd almost rather give them money... of course provided that I can trust the organization(s).
Well, I guess I have this weekend to figure out where I'm going to make my donation for this X'mas.
So then the question becomes: do we have to be so careful these days as to choose who to help (or not help)? When do we know that we should help? I was always taught to lend people a hand when I see a need - but I was also told tons of horror stories about good samaritans who are being cheated/hurt. I remember a friend asking me before: if I am driving and I see a parked car with a guy opening the front hood trying to do something (and it looks like the car is not starting or something is wrong), do I stop... My honest answer was... it depends. I have actually done both. But I have also been at the receiving end - you have NO idea how grateful I was when someone pulled over to shoulder of Hwy 1 and offered to change the flat tire on my car... yet I'm also told always to be cautious about helping others. Sometimes I do wonder what our world is coming to.
Christmas is coming - some friends are thinking about organizing/making/handing out sandwiches to people in downtown - for me tho, even tho I know it is a good idea and gesture, I always wonder if the money collected can be put into better use. One thing that keeps bugging me is the thought that this year it will be a cold winter in Vancouver. With the sleeping centres not being open unless it's -4oC or under, I think a lot of homeless people will have to endure the cold.... but how do you judge whether blankets or food are more important? The need is everywhere... I suppose as they always say in fundraising campaign--"every cent helps"
Now these days I keep on hearing on the radio that all the disasters that have happened in the past year has really thinned out people's enthusiasm to donate at end of year. The local food banks are getting record low cash... I am always of the opinion that if there is a system in place (non-profit organizations, etc.) that is already focusing their effort into helping the needy (local or global), then I'd almost rather give them money... of course provided that I can trust the organization(s).
Well, I guess I have this weekend to figure out where I'm going to make my donation for this X'mas.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Weird reactions to exercise!
Lately I find that my body has been reacting to any exercise routine I have... afterwards I just feel a bit itchy and I have red rash on my upper body (which goes away after a while). I probably shouldn't have but I have been ignoring this for a couple of weeks, until yesterday...
Yesterday afternoon after a long absence my friend and I decided to go to hot yoga. Because I haven't gone for a long time, this particular session was very exhausting. I haven't felt that tired - even though I didn't feel that the room was _that_ hot, I couldn't do all the poses. Anyways, afterwards I discovered those red dots in my body again - but this time it's alll over the place... it was quite scary because the red dots are very very apparent. I mean usually after people exercise they can appear a bit red, but for me it was like red bumps all over. It's particularly surprising because I have been doing different kinds of exercises and going to the gym for a long time, and this never happened to me. I really don't know what changed...
A day passes by and I'm still seeing red marks on my body... (lighter now though but still can be noticed) - So disappointing!! And I'm ITCHY!! Exercising my strongest will not to scratch myself (I'm already having scratch-marks on my neck - which I vow not to touch until it's healed!) but it's admittedly very difficult.
I talked to a friend who experienced similar things before (hers was more serious than mine I think). She had to stop all exercises for more than a month (any sweating could aggravate the condition) and had to go to chinese medicine... Normal doctors didn't help at all (I don't recall whether she actually saw a dermatologist). In addition she had to stop eating any kind of food that might aggravate skin reactions (beef, seafood, etc.etc.)... she told me that her doctor said that it could be due to stress as well. Another friend said that it could be hormones... Anyways, I sort of did my own due diligence and searched on the web...seems like the symptoms are mostly that of heat rashes.... if it's just heat rashes, then I'm not as worried... but then the human body is still a mystery and you never know....
Well, I figure that if her chinese doctor helps, I am going to him. I need to have these all disappear before I go back to HK for my friend's wedding! Yikes!! The worst thing is that I feel so uncomfortable not exercising but I am so scared to exercise! And I haven't even tried on the bridesmaid dress yet!!! >_<
Yesterday afternoon after a long absence my friend and I decided to go to hot yoga. Because I haven't gone for a long time, this particular session was very exhausting. I haven't felt that tired - even though I didn't feel that the room was _that_ hot, I couldn't do all the poses. Anyways, afterwards I discovered those red dots in my body again - but this time it's alll over the place... it was quite scary because the red dots are very very apparent. I mean usually after people exercise they can appear a bit red, but for me it was like red bumps all over. It's particularly surprising because I have been doing different kinds of exercises and going to the gym for a long time, and this never happened to me. I really don't know what changed...
A day passes by and I'm still seeing red marks on my body... (lighter now though but still can be noticed) - So disappointing!! And I'm ITCHY!! Exercising my strongest will not to scratch myself (I'm already having scratch-marks on my neck - which I vow not to touch until it's healed!) but it's admittedly very difficult.
I talked to a friend who experienced similar things before (hers was more serious than mine I think). She had to stop all exercises for more than a month (any sweating could aggravate the condition) and had to go to chinese medicine... Normal doctors didn't help at all (I don't recall whether she actually saw a dermatologist). In addition she had to stop eating any kind of food that might aggravate skin reactions (beef, seafood, etc.etc.)... she told me that her doctor said that it could be due to stress as well. Another friend said that it could be hormones... Anyways, I sort of did my own due diligence and searched on the web...seems like the symptoms are mostly that of heat rashes.... if it's just heat rashes, then I'm not as worried... but then the human body is still a mystery and you never know....
Well, I figure that if her chinese doctor helps, I am going to him. I need to have these all disappear before I go back to HK for my friend's wedding! Yikes!! The worst thing is that I feel so uncomfortable not exercising but I am so scared to exercise! And I haven't even tried on the bridesmaid dress yet!!! >_<
Friday, December 09, 2005
Count down to HK trip!
Finally, 2 weeks before I take off to HK.
I have known about this trip for so long (>4-5 months), yet I really haven't thought much or planned much. It's partly because of the reason that I am going back: to attend my friend's wedding. It's the main purpose and as long as boxing day is over, my "mission" is done.
That's why once I found out I didn't have a traveling companion to the trip, I really lost a lot of interest to plan the trip. Me not being that much of a traveling-alone person (I just don't like traveling by myself), I really didn't know how I could spend 14 days in HK just meeting up with all my friends and acquaintances from the past. The thought was dreadful--I would be eating out EVERY DAY with different friends and probably saying the same thing over and over again (telling them about my job, my life in Vancouver, etc. etc.) and I'll be wandering around doing nothing! There are probably people (esp. relatives and my closer friends from before) who I really want to meet, but there are also people who I don't really care much about... but out of courtesy I would probably call up everyone...
Anyways, I was originally thinking about going up to China for a week's trip, but ever since W decided he wasn't going to HK with me (he has legit reason), my enthusiasm dropped about 80%. Still, I emailed my excoworker who's living in China now that I am considering going to China and ask her for suggestion--now this is about 4 months ago--she told me that she would be interested in traveling with me... So I was sitting on the idea for a long time without any action.
Last week after my clinical research course, I started remembering that I never emailed her back!! And this is when I debated what I want to do. I really didn't want to spend so much time in HK (not much of a shopping person either) - so I finally decided to email my friend again. Luckily she hasn't got any plan yet!!!
So now with a 5-day trip in Yuannan in first week of Jan, my time in HK suddenly become very precious. I'm going to have to make a list of people who I'm meeting up with and just check them off the list (breakfast, lunch, dinner...! 3 groups a day! :P)............. but I want at least 2-3 days to do stuff by myself, go pay respect to my grandparents and go visit my elementary/high school...
I don't know - As the trip approaches fast, I am actually starting to look forward to it. I think I need some time away from Vancouver anyways, to think more clearly and to really face myself and find out what I really want in my life and my relationship and my future (I have my career goals set now, just not my personal ones).
They all say that it's only when you are alone that you can search from within to know yourself more. I pray that God will help me to quiet myself down and face myself while I'm on the road.
I have known about this trip for so long (>4-5 months), yet I really haven't thought much or planned much. It's partly because of the reason that I am going back: to attend my friend's wedding. It's the main purpose and as long as boxing day is over, my "mission" is done.
That's why once I found out I didn't have a traveling companion to the trip, I really lost a lot of interest to plan the trip. Me not being that much of a traveling-alone person (I just don't like traveling by myself), I really didn't know how I could spend 14 days in HK just meeting up with all my friends and acquaintances from the past. The thought was dreadful--I would be eating out EVERY DAY with different friends and probably saying the same thing over and over again (telling them about my job, my life in Vancouver, etc. etc.) and I'll be wandering around doing nothing! There are probably people (esp. relatives and my closer friends from before) who I really want to meet, but there are also people who I don't really care much about... but out of courtesy I would probably call up everyone...
Anyways, I was originally thinking about going up to China for a week's trip, but ever since W decided he wasn't going to HK with me (he has legit reason), my enthusiasm dropped about 80%. Still, I emailed my excoworker who's living in China now that I am considering going to China and ask her for suggestion--now this is about 4 months ago--she told me that she would be interested in traveling with me... So I was sitting on the idea for a long time without any action.
Last week after my clinical research course, I started remembering that I never emailed her back!! And this is when I debated what I want to do. I really didn't want to spend so much time in HK (not much of a shopping person either) - so I finally decided to email my friend again. Luckily she hasn't got any plan yet!!!
So now with a 5-day trip in Yuannan in first week of Jan, my time in HK suddenly become very precious. I'm going to have to make a list of people who I'm meeting up with and just check them off the list (breakfast, lunch, dinner...! 3 groups a day! :P)............. but I want at least 2-3 days to do stuff by myself, go pay respect to my grandparents and go visit my elementary/high school...
I don't know - As the trip approaches fast, I am actually starting to look forward to it. I think I need some time away from Vancouver anyways, to think more clearly and to really face myself and find out what I really want in my life and my relationship and my future (I have my career goals set now, just not my personal ones).
They all say that it's only when you are alone that you can search from within to know yourself more. I pray that God will help me to quiet myself down and face myself while I'm on the road.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Reward!
These days at work I have been working partly in clinical and partly in project management. Apparently I have always been known by my manager who can type fast. So when they had some backlog of data that they needed to enter urgently, my manager (who's new to that dept) thought of me.
She called me at 5:30ish Wed evening and started asking me what my "schedule" was like in the next few days. I knew she wanted to ask me to do something for her, but I couldn't figure out what (and she wouldn't tell me for the longest time!). So I said, just tell me what you want me to do and I'll make time for it! She finally told me how they had this backlog of data - and that this data usually should be entered by the lead CRA, but then they really needed to clear the backlog urgently for internal purpose, etc. etc. I was like, Ahhhh you want me to type. Sure!
So then Thurs came (I esp. started the day with Tim Horton's coffee--first time actually after I started working)... and I was set up with a laptop computer, and I started typing away (almost non-stop for 8 hours, as I missed my stairmasters routine at lunch as well). Because I'm the type that once I start concentrating on doing something, I can't stop until I finish. And I wanted to finish everything in one day... By the time I finished, my hands were actually quite sore. But I seriously didn't mind it, because just by reading what I was typing, it gave me a greater understanding of what clinical research is and different processes/systems in it... so everything was cool. Apparently the lead CRA was so happy how much I got done she said I was hired =)
Anyways, Fri I did more data entry stuff... I told the CRA that whenever she needs my help, just let me know and I'll work around my schedule... (I really wanted to do more clinical stuff, however mindless it is right now!)
This morning when I was having my weekly meeting with my manager, she handed me a red envelope. $100 gift certificate at Spa Utopia!! That was a shock to me! Apparently I really helped them a lot and they wanted to tell me that the company appreciates me.... it's kinda funny - I didn't know I was THAT useful. But well, I am of the type that if others recognize my work and shows appreciation, I really can commit A LOT of time--and I can definitely stay very very late at work haha. I don't need big raises - little gesture keeps me happy.
My manager is quite cool =) I think she knows how to use me hehe.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
A good daughter?
I never had the illusion that I'm a good daughter. From a long time ago, this "wall" seemed to have developed between me and my parents. I always feel like a failure as a daughter.
It's a lot of different factors. The past I don't remember much (I probably have done and said a lot that hurt them) - but I certainly can see how over the years we have gotten more distant. I never really know what they are up to, and the reverse is kinda true as well. I don't really know how to fix it as well. Perhaps I have such a erratic schedule, and I'm not home often enough. They don't ever call me on my cell, and I am scared to call them on their cell (in case I bother them--so I imagine they could have the same feeling as well). Sometimes even when I want to be home and want to spend some time with them, they would not be home... and when they're home I have to go out...
In the end, I know it's communication (lack of). I don't know why - I have no problem communicating with everyone - my friends, my coworkers, even the teens at church, etc. etc. but there's something between me and my parents that I cannot seem to break thru and get closer to them. That's why I envy people who chat and talk heart-to-heart with their parents, joke with them, etc. I long for it so much...............
My brother always says - it's one family... why can't I be honest and why do I have to be so scared about saying things, etc. etc. The truth is, I KNOW!! But I honestly don't know how to convert this "knowledge" into action. I'm proud, I guess. I almost feel like it's easy to make them mad - and I haven't been around (i.e. make the time commitment) enough to show them that I care about this family... I know my parents love me, and I know I love my parents... but to them it probably doesn't show. To think about how I even have trouble asking to treat them out for dinner because I will think about all the excuses they will have (too expensive, too much oil)... in the end, it's my own fear that I need to conquer.
Fear of rejection.
It's a lot of different factors. The past I don't remember much (I probably have done and said a lot that hurt them) - but I certainly can see how over the years we have gotten more distant. I never really know what they are up to, and the reverse is kinda true as well. I don't really know how to fix it as well. Perhaps I have such a erratic schedule, and I'm not home often enough. They don't ever call me on my cell, and I am scared to call them on their cell (in case I bother them--so I imagine they could have the same feeling as well). Sometimes even when I want to be home and want to spend some time with them, they would not be home... and when they're home I have to go out...
In the end, I know it's communication (lack of). I don't know why - I have no problem communicating with everyone - my friends, my coworkers, even the teens at church, etc. etc. but there's something between me and my parents that I cannot seem to break thru and get closer to them. That's why I envy people who chat and talk heart-to-heart with their parents, joke with them, etc. I long for it so much...............
My brother always says - it's one family... why can't I be honest and why do I have to be so scared about saying things, etc. etc. The truth is, I KNOW!! But I honestly don't know how to convert this "knowledge" into action. I'm proud, I guess. I almost feel like it's easy to make them mad - and I haven't been around (i.e. make the time commitment) enough to show them that I care about this family... I know my parents love me, and I know I love my parents... but to them it probably doesn't show. To think about how I even have trouble asking to treat them out for dinner because I will think about all the excuses they will have (too expensive, too much oil)... in the end, it's my own fear that I need to conquer.
Fear of rejection.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Overpopulation of Starbucks?
I was talking to my teammates about meeting up at a coffee shop on Tues. So then of course the big question is WHERE. I said, well, there should be enough Starbucks in Vancouver there shouldn't be a problem to find one. I told them that I would just go thru the phone book and find one that is convenient for all of us....
So tonight I went onto the web and google "starbucks Vancouver". I KNOW that there are a lot of starbucks in Vancouver, but I didn't actually know that it's a known phenomenon/observation that there is an overpopulation of Starbucks (~85?).
I myself have nothing against Starbucks. I used to hear all the bad stories about it, how it's so overpriced and not a fair-trade company, etc. etc.--I used to try to avoid going there... instead I went to Blenz, Second Cup, or little no-name coffee shops... But lately I find that I'm gradually starting to frequent Starbucks. They are just *too* convenient!! I can't help it! And of course that's the only place that serves constantly good soy chai latte............
There's this interesting site about the distribution of Starbucks in Vancouver... (don't know how true they are, but it's interesting to go thru the stats)
http://www.sfu.ca/geog355fall02/kegerber/spata.html
So tonight I went onto the web and google "starbucks Vancouver". I KNOW that there are a lot of starbucks in Vancouver, but I didn't actually know that it's a known phenomenon/observation that there is an overpopulation of Starbucks (~85?).
I myself have nothing against Starbucks. I used to hear all the bad stories about it, how it's so overpriced and not a fair-trade company, etc. etc.--I used to try to avoid going there... instead I went to Blenz, Second Cup, or little no-name coffee shops... But lately I find that I'm gradually starting to frequent Starbucks. They are just *too* convenient!! I can't help it! And of course that's the only place that serves constantly good soy chai latte............
There's this interesting site about the distribution of Starbucks in Vancouver... (don't know how true they are, but it's interesting to go thru the stats)
http://www.sfu.ca/geog355fall02/kegerber/spata.html
Friday, November 25, 2005
You want me to teach you what?!
Last nite I had a very interesting lesson with my student. I haven't seen her for ages (our schedule just didn't match) and I thought that this time we were going to go through all the English essays that she has written that she couldn't send to me via email because her computer wasn't working, etc. etc.
Guess what - I sat down, and she gave me a floppy that had all her essays in there and said I could correct them later.... but her most immediate need was to understand what her teacher was teaching in her Science lesson because she has assignments and quizzes soon.
I was like, OK Sure! I did that last time with her - she just needs to understand all the words in the textbook--should be an easy job for me! "So what are you guys studying now?" She flipped to the chapter, and my heart just sank. Male and female reproductive systems.
You have to understand that it's not like I don't have biology background - I'm well trained in biology - but to explain this particular part of body system to someone (a teenager!!) who doesn't know a lot of English terms (I have no idea what all these terms are in Chinese!!) was quite--challenging and embarrassing.
Of course me being professional I kept a straight face, and I tried to explain the whole process of fertilization and what happens in the guy's and woman's body, what the different hormones do and the biology of what actually happens when errr... you know... how babies can form... all that stuff. (Well, things get more embarrassing when I tried to explain a few times of the same process, partly in English and partly in Chinese so that she understood what I was trying to say)
Anyways, that was an interesting interesting interesting lesson. I hope she understood what I said... (actually I'm sort of glad that my student is a "she" and not a "he"--or it would have been more difficult to do this lesson). Now I also have a personal understanding why parents have such difficulties giving this kind of "lesson" to their children...
...
...
Maybe next time we'll stick to English Grammar! =)
Guess what - I sat down, and she gave me a floppy that had all her essays in there and said I could correct them later.... but her most immediate need was to understand what her teacher was teaching in her Science lesson because she has assignments and quizzes soon.
I was like, OK Sure! I did that last time with her - she just needs to understand all the words in the textbook--should be an easy job for me! "So what are you guys studying now?" She flipped to the chapter, and my heart just sank. Male and female reproductive systems.
You have to understand that it's not like I don't have biology background - I'm well trained in biology - but to explain this particular part of body system to someone (a teenager!!) who doesn't know a lot of English terms (I have no idea what all these terms are in Chinese!!) was quite--challenging and embarrassing.
Of course me being professional I kept a straight face, and I tried to explain the whole process of fertilization and what happens in the guy's and woman's body, what the different hormones do and the biology of what actually happens when errr... you know... how babies can form... all that stuff. (Well, things get more embarrassing when I tried to explain a few times of the same process, partly in English and partly in Chinese so that she understood what I was trying to say)
Anyways, that was an interesting interesting interesting lesson. I hope she understood what I said... (actually I'm sort of glad that my student is a "she" and not a "he"--or it would have been more difficult to do this lesson). Now I also have a personal understanding why parents have such difficulties giving this kind of "lesson" to their children...
...
...
Maybe next time we'll stick to English Grammar! =)
Monday, November 21, 2005
Wedding bells
These few days there are a lot to celebrate.
First it's W's baptism. Because it's his baptism - I decided to skip church service at RGAC and went to his church instead. And then the same day I found out that I MISSED a wedding proposal at my church, where a friend sang a love song and knelt in front of the girlfriend, etc. etc. I saw the clip on my friend's camera (but I couldn't hear any sound!!) She and another friend said that if I were to be at church I would have been so moved that I would cry non-stop (which, knowing me, will likely will be the case).
Anyways, I'm very happy for the girl. Apparently the ring was amazing and everything seemed to be romantic and nice. Plus this will be the first pair in our fellowship getting married! Hopefully a good beginning for our group! =)
Sometimes it is hard not to think of my own future (family) when so many of my friends are getting married. I try to not think too much and just have faith that God will have a perfect plan for me. Have to admit that this is hard, esp. with so much uncertainty surrounding me. I always talk about how God is training my patience - I just pray that He will increase my strength so that I can pull through and really develop this virtue... really, really need it.
First it's W's baptism. Because it's his baptism - I decided to skip church service at RGAC and went to his church instead. And then the same day I found out that I MISSED a wedding proposal at my church, where a friend sang a love song and knelt in front of the girlfriend, etc. etc. I saw the clip on my friend's camera (but I couldn't hear any sound!!) She and another friend said that if I were to be at church I would have been so moved that I would cry non-stop (which, knowing me, will likely will be the case).
Anyways, I'm very happy for the girl. Apparently the ring was amazing and everything seemed to be romantic and nice. Plus this will be the first pair in our fellowship getting married! Hopefully a good beginning for our group! =)
Sometimes it is hard not to think of my own future (family) when so many of my friends are getting married. I try to not think too much and just have faith that God will have a perfect plan for me. Have to admit that this is hard, esp. with so much uncertainty surrounding me. I always talk about how God is training my patience - I just pray that He will increase my strength so that I can pull through and really develop this virtue... really, really need it.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Experience with Walk-in clinic
I don't know why but I have never been fond of doctors. Maybe it's just my character, or maybe it's that I have not found one who impresses me--yet. I suppose for the same reason I have never really wanted to be a doctor myself (that's another story that I will detail later if I have the chance).
Anyways, this afternoon after lunch I suddenly developed some intense pressure/pain going in episodes from my chest (kinda) up to my throat--it was almost like a choking feeling (because I couldn't breathe). At first I thought, ahhhh it would go away soon. Of course as it continued (it's rthymic, like every 45-60 sec) I got a little scared. I mean I have had sharp pain before at my chest but they would stop after ~5 sec. But never this rthymic pressure/pain type sensation. And needless to say I wasn't quite happy about it. I was afraid that I would suddenly cease to breathe and lose consciousness, so I walked to the entrance of my office just to make sure that if this did happen someone might notice me.
My coworker from next doors came - and he was a first aid attendant before so I told him of my pain. He asked if I wanted to go to Walk-in clinic across the street. I said "I'll wait and see how it goes." Then several minutes later as this continued I got a little worried - so I called my family doctor; well guess what the receptionist said to me: "Dr. Wong is all booked up this week - do you want to book an appointment for next week?" Well, I had pain now... I might not LAST till next week!
So I resorted to the original suggestion - I went to a walk-in clinic. Funny thing is, the moment I stepped into the clinic, my pain stopped... so the only thing I could do was to describe to this doctor what I was going thru. This doctor - well, the only thing she suggested to me was to go to Emergency (based on that one comment that i told her that my mom's side has some heart problem). No diagnosis no nothing. I personally am very resistant to using this service because I don't consider myself "needing" to go to emergency yet. I mean, the pain subsided and I really don't see a point going! I asked her if I just get a referral for doing EKG - but she still wanted me to go to emergency. She said that's not just to cover me but also to cover her!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr
Well, of course I didn't listen. I went back to work with "the doctor's notes". The pain seemed to have disappeared all of a sudden. Maybe I'll go back tomorrow and tell her to give me a referral instead. I do want to get my heart checked out, in case there's something.
Funny too as I was experiencing this whole chest pain episode thingy, the thought that I might stop breathing (forever) did come to mind (for only a brief moment tho). And then I was like - I wonder what would others think of me and my life. I wasn't that scared of dying... I did think about all the things I haven't got to do. But I told myself - well, at least I think I made (however small) an impact to some ppl around me... maybe my legacy will live on. =)
Anyways, this afternoon after lunch I suddenly developed some intense pressure/pain going in episodes from my chest (kinda) up to my throat--it was almost like a choking feeling (because I couldn't breathe). At first I thought, ahhhh it would go away soon. Of course as it continued (it's rthymic, like every 45-60 sec) I got a little scared. I mean I have had sharp pain before at my chest but they would stop after ~5 sec. But never this rthymic pressure/pain type sensation. And needless to say I wasn't quite happy about it. I was afraid that I would suddenly cease to breathe and lose consciousness, so I walked to the entrance of my office just to make sure that if this did happen someone might notice me.
My coworker from next doors came - and he was a first aid attendant before so I told him of my pain. He asked if I wanted to go to Walk-in clinic across the street. I said "I'll wait and see how it goes." Then several minutes later as this continued I got a little worried - so I called my family doctor; well guess what the receptionist said to me: "Dr. Wong is all booked up this week - do you want to book an appointment for next week?" Well, I had pain now... I might not LAST till next week!
So I resorted to the original suggestion - I went to a walk-in clinic. Funny thing is, the moment I stepped into the clinic, my pain stopped... so the only thing I could do was to describe to this doctor what I was going thru. This doctor - well, the only thing she suggested to me was to go to Emergency (based on that one comment that i told her that my mom's side has some heart problem). No diagnosis no nothing. I personally am very resistant to using this service because I don't consider myself "needing" to go to emergency yet. I mean, the pain subsided and I really don't see a point going! I asked her if I just get a referral for doing EKG - but she still wanted me to go to emergency. She said that's not just to cover me but also to cover her!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr
Well, of course I didn't listen. I went back to work with "the doctor's notes". The pain seemed to have disappeared all of a sudden. Maybe I'll go back tomorrow and tell her to give me a referral instead. I do want to get my heart checked out, in case there's something.
Funny too as I was experiencing this whole chest pain episode thingy, the thought that I might stop breathing (forever) did come to mind (for only a brief moment tho). And then I was like - I wonder what would others think of me and my life. I wasn't that scared of dying... I did think about all the things I haven't got to do. But I told myself - well, at least I think I made (however small) an impact to some ppl around me... maybe my legacy will live on. =)
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Bones
I haven't watched TV shows for ages. Partly of course due to my erratic schedule--there's no point watching one episode and not the next... but recently I discovered a show called "Bones"--a drama that talks about different cases solved by a forensic anthropologist and an FBI agent. It's amusing--a weird type of humor at times... but I like it. It's not so much the reality of it (or lack of) (I never trust these Science stuff in TV shows or movies anyway--to try to figure out how unreal a show is--I may as well stop watching altogether!)--it's just the depiction of different characters and the chemistry that I like. Some may think that it's a typical hollywood type drama, but for some reason I haven't wanted to sit in front of the TV and watch an hour of it in one sitting (I think the last one was "Ally McBeal", and then the one before that was "Medicine Woman").
I think the reason is really that I like (watching) weird characters. People who seem out of place or not fitting into the norm. Can't explain why either but I find myself enjoy that very much... =)
I think the reason is really that I like (watching) weird characters. People who seem out of place or not fitting into the norm. Can't explain why either but I find myself enjoy that very much... =)
Kids kids kids
A friend commented recently on how most (more highly educated) people nowadays (she said in HK, but I almost think I can generalize also to N. America) don't prefer to get married before at least late twenties, and for those who get married they don't prefer to have kids before at least mid thirties... and then for those who have one kid don't prefer a second one... this comment sparked a whole discussion among our email group about reasons for having kids (or not) and being in a committed rel'nship and parents' unconditional love, etc. etc.
I don't know. Maybe my viewpoint has always been very simple on this matter. Humans have the innate (God-given) ability/desire to extend their lives in the form of reproduction. When they mature to a certain point (probably also influenced by the society around them) and when their lives settle down, then this innate urge in them will come out... Most parents sure give unconditional love to their children, but I don't think parents think about that when they decide to have kids (I want to give love so let's have some kids). Of course we can also think of those who don't want kids but when they do conceive and they look at the miracle of a new life growing inside them their hearts will melt. "It comes from me! It's part of me!" they say. This pride is just--natural. And the pride also comes because it is an extension of one's life. Perhaps for this reason many also say that it's the most fulfilling experience in a person's life?
Although the observation that the more civilized parts of the world usually generate less children is probably true... maybe we can attribute that to more chance of survival for a child--or maybe it's just, as my friend says, because most people nowadays think more about themselves and how they want to enjoy life without any "burden"--in that case, I wonder if the world will one day come to an end as the number in the human race dwindles... I still hold hopes that this is highly unlikely, but who knows :P
For myself tho, whereas I am nowhere close to having kids of my own (or even getting married, for that matter), I do think about it often. This is a significant new chapter in one's life--I wonder what it will feel like. And how I can prepare myself to receive this new role (God willing)? Will this be in my path in life as well??
To my consolation I just read that William Osler was an eighth child and his mom wasn't married till after thirty. Who knows - maybe I have some chance of being a mother of a volleyball team?! But wait, I can't... I won't have enough money to feed them!!!!
I don't know. Maybe my viewpoint has always been very simple on this matter. Humans have the innate (God-given) ability/desire to extend their lives in the form of reproduction. When they mature to a certain point (probably also influenced by the society around them) and when their lives settle down, then this innate urge in them will come out... Most parents sure give unconditional love to their children, but I don't think parents think about that when they decide to have kids (I want to give love so let's have some kids). Of course we can also think of those who don't want kids but when they do conceive and they look at the miracle of a new life growing inside them their hearts will melt. "It comes from me! It's part of me!" they say. This pride is just--natural. And the pride also comes because it is an extension of one's life. Perhaps for this reason many also say that it's the most fulfilling experience in a person's life?
Although the observation that the more civilized parts of the world usually generate less children is probably true... maybe we can attribute that to more chance of survival for a child--or maybe it's just, as my friend says, because most people nowadays think more about themselves and how they want to enjoy life without any "burden"--in that case, I wonder if the world will one day come to an end as the number in the human race dwindles... I still hold hopes that this is highly unlikely, but who knows :P
For myself tho, whereas I am nowhere close to having kids of my own (or even getting married, for that matter), I do think about it often. This is a significant new chapter in one's life--I wonder what it will feel like. And how I can prepare myself to receive this new role (God willing)? Will this be in my path in life as well??
To my consolation I just read that William Osler was an eighth child and his mom wasn't married till after thirty. Who knows - maybe I have some chance of being a mother of a volleyball team?! But wait, I can't... I won't have enough money to feed them!!!!
Saturday, November 05, 2005
My first hockey game
All my friends told me that I would like the excitement of actually being a real hockey game. So when the opportunity came up AGAIN that I could get a pair of tix for the Wed game, I finally couldn't resist and took it. They weren't the cheapest tickets, but at least I bought them at cost.
Anyways, the game itself was pretty fun. I mean--it IS really different being there and watching a hockey game than sitting in front of a TV (not that I do much of that anyways). The game seems to go faster (but strangely the players seem to be skating more slowly; may be it's just the perception).
But I was actually very very steamed for about 2 hours before I got to GM place. It's all about driving again. I knew I had to get to W's place earlier because we were going to skytrain from there on to downtwn. Even tho I planned to leave my workplace at 4:30pm (hey I started work at 7:30am!) I couldn't leave till almost 5pm. Normally (with all the traffic) it would mean that I get to his place at about 6pm. The moment I heard from the radio that there was an accident on Hwy1 West bound, my heart sank. Then I planned to go out of the highway in some exits earlier, but I forgot to ask W which exit to go out - and then when the exit approached I couldn't decide whether I should actually exit or not... so I ended up staying on the highway and going BUMPER TO BUMPER for 1 hr. I have NEVER screamed so hard in my entire life (in a car) trying to cool off--and this was also the first time I cried because of a traffic jam. Probably stress related I don't know, but by the time I arrived at W's place, I was ready to kill someone.
But that aside, the game was pretty fun to watch :P. I have to admit that I am not a true hockey fan - because throughout the second period, I secretly wanted Minnesota to score so that the game would play faster (I later told my friend and she said good thing I didn't think aloud :P). (I thought it was a bit boring to watch and both sides weren't playing that well but what do I know!)... But the last period, esp. the final few minutes with the powerplay (6 on 3, whatever that's called) it was quite exciting.
The skytrain ride to W's place after the game was soo much more relaxing... to tell you the truth, it probably didn't matter much to me whether Canucks win or not... but I like the goalie (Auld?) - he's so cool.
Ahhh... such is the experience of my first hockey game! (Too bad I didn't go to last nite's game--probably would have been fun-ner with so many more goals )
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
No hockey game for me!
I have never understood why Canadians like hockey so much--I don't mind it that much, but have never really liked it to a point where I would go and see a game either.
Anyways, since W is a huge hockey fan (never knew that either till this year... oh well :P) these days I have been contemplating about getting a pair of tix to see a Canucks game. A friend of mine told me yesterday that he might be able to get two tickets for me for tomorrow's game. Even though it's with Minnesota (supposedly a boring team?), I figure it's worth it just for the experience... plus maybe that will cheer up W and get him to relax a bit. So I said sure thing I'll take the tix.
Then my friend said that his friend couldn't sell the tix to me for $60 each anymore (the cost I thought I was going to pay) - but might be $75 each. I hesitiated for a sec and then emailed him back - sure why not. It's not like I'm seeing a game that often anyways.
Of course then his friend said it will cost $80 each. I was instantly alarmed. I mean I know people will jack up the price of the tix if they know people want them. But it's really not in my character--and because I won't do these things myself, honestly I feel that this is really taking advantage of someone else. I originally didn't mind paying $15 more just because I expect that people will do this kinda thing, but this was a bit too much for me (esp. he originally had the tix to see the game himself?!). It's not even the money issue--I don't know, I just didn't like the whole mentality of robbing off others, when my friend's friend knows who I am!
Well, it's like in a poker game - push me too much and I'll fold!
Now that I rant for a bit I actually feel better. Just thought that with W being such a frugal person--if he found out how much the tix would cost (and I were to buy it), he probably would have been pretty mad at me (even tho he might appreciate my intention)--so there's no point anyways.
I guess no hockey game for me this year. Oh well.
Anyways, since W is a huge hockey fan (never knew that either till this year... oh well :P) these days I have been contemplating about getting a pair of tix to see a Canucks game. A friend of mine told me yesterday that he might be able to get two tickets for me for tomorrow's game. Even though it's with Minnesota (supposedly a boring team?), I figure it's worth it just for the experience... plus maybe that will cheer up W and get him to relax a bit. So I said sure thing I'll take the tix.
Then my friend said that his friend couldn't sell the tix to me for $60 each anymore (the cost I thought I was going to pay) - but might be $75 each. I hesitiated for a sec and then emailed him back - sure why not. It's not like I'm seeing a game that often anyways.
Of course then his friend said it will cost $80 each. I was instantly alarmed. I mean I know people will jack up the price of the tix if they know people want them. But it's really not in my character--and because I won't do these things myself, honestly I feel that this is really taking advantage of someone else. I originally didn't mind paying $15 more just because I expect that people will do this kinda thing, but this was a bit too much for me (esp. he originally had the tix to see the game himself?!). It's not even the money issue--I don't know, I just didn't like the whole mentality of robbing off others, when my friend's friend knows who I am!
Well, it's like in a poker game - push me too much and I'll fold!
Now that I rant for a bit I actually feel better. Just thought that with W being such a frugal person--if he found out how much the tix would cost (and I were to buy it), he probably would have been pretty mad at me (even tho he might appreciate my intention)--so there's no point anyways.
I guess no hockey game for me this year. Oh well.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Stages of Life
Today after church I had dim sum with some people from my elementary school (HK). It's been kind of funny having this monthly regular gatherings with them. They are all about or more than 20 years older than me, and are all like housewives with kids mostly already in university years (most of them came here 20 somewhat years ago and married well so haven't worked for ages)... Don't know why, but I must admit every time I go out with them, I quite enjoy their company.
I suppose it's just because I never really "hang out" with this group of "ladies" before. So it's very interesting to listen to what they like talking about--and not feel like they're "aunties" (it's just different from going to dim sum with parents' friends or other friends' parents, not that I do much of that anyways). Even tho it's a typical "married ladies" ("see lai") conversation, surprisingly I didn't feel bored at all--and I learn quite a few new things every time... Beauty, health, kids, recipes. I feel so young and inexperienced when I talk to them!! And it's also comforting to see them being satisfied and happy with their simple (mundane?) lives.
I remember some of my friends have mockingly joked about how we might one day "grow up" and become "old ladies" doing nothing but cooking and cleaning and buying groceries and looking after kids, etc. And that our enjoyment will come only from doing facials, going to beauty salon or watching Chinese soaps, etc. Yeah, maybe it's not in my character (maybe I will change, who knows? :P), but now I really think that it's just *different lives*... it's a huge blessing for them to not to have to worry about paycheques and supporting the family!
I don't know how to explain - looking at their lives tho does make me wonder how I will be like 20 years from now. Is it really just stages of life that most women go through?? Maybe now I can't imagine how they can not work and not feel bored... or that I cannot imagine yet a life focused only on family or going to dim sum/beauty salons, etc. with friends...
Maybe one day when I'm in their shoes with kids of my own--maybe I will. Only time will tell =)
I suppose it's just because I never really "hang out" with this group of "ladies" before. So it's very interesting to listen to what they like talking about--and not feel like they're "aunties" (it's just different from going to dim sum with parents' friends or other friends' parents, not that I do much of that anyways). Even tho it's a typical "married ladies" ("see lai") conversation, surprisingly I didn't feel bored at all--and I learn quite a few new things every time... Beauty, health, kids, recipes. I feel so young and inexperienced when I talk to them!! And it's also comforting to see them being satisfied and happy with their simple (mundane?) lives.
I remember some of my friends have mockingly joked about how we might one day "grow up" and become "old ladies" doing nothing but cooking and cleaning and buying groceries and looking after kids, etc. And that our enjoyment will come only from doing facials, going to beauty salon or watching Chinese soaps, etc. Yeah, maybe it's not in my character (maybe I will change, who knows? :P), but now I really think that it's just *different lives*... it's a huge blessing for them to not to have to worry about paycheques and supporting the family!
I don't know how to explain - looking at their lives tho does make me wonder how I will be like 20 years from now. Is it really just stages of life that most women go through?? Maybe now I can't imagine how they can not work and not feel bored... or that I cannot imagine yet a life focused only on family or going to dim sum/beauty salons, etc. with friends...
Maybe one day when I'm in their shoes with kids of my own--maybe I will. Only time will tell =)
Panda cubs
OH my goodness. The first time I saw these cubs, I was like... awwwwwwwwwww... sooooo cute, so precious!!!
I don't know much about panda - have never seen a living one before... but if anyone's interested in learning more, here you go!
http://www.sandiegozoo.org/wordpress/index.php?p=146#comments
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Driving
I know I have no right to complain compared to ppl who live in Toronto or LA or other "bigger" cities, but driving has become more and more an annoyance to me now...Last night I was going to W's place for dinner and we were going to Salsa after--but because something came up at work and I ended up leaving work later than usual. At first I thought it was a good idea--because I thought the rush hour traffic would already have been gone and it would take me only about half an hour to get to his place.
The moment I went on ramp to Hwy 1, I knew I was very wrong. I went bumper-to-bumper--almost half an hour before I could even get from 192nd St from 200th. I was sooo steamed--and I had no way to calm down. I don't usually mind driving that much--and even when I am with friends, coworkers, etc. I always end up to be the one driving anyways (somehow that "expectation" is there, and I always offer since others don't usually offer even as we are walking to the parking lot). But these days I'm really really agitated. ON AVERAGE per day I spend about 2 hours on the road just to and from work; the days I have some activity to do or some function to go to--I spend about an hour or 1 1/2 hour on top. The traffic is not getting better and I'm getting more agitated.
By the time I went to his place I was soooo agitated I started snapping at him the whole nite. And then I had to cancel going to salsa because I couldn't calm down and I had lost my enthusiasm (because I knew I couldn't relax when I hear so much noise esp. during times of agitation--and I thought about ANOTHER half an hour of time in the car--even if it's not me driving but I just felt trapped). W tried to cheer me up and but nothing could make me feel better...
I don't know. I have always known that God wants me to develop patience (something I never seem to have)... but He really has a sense of humor if He wants me to develop that on the road. Because I'm finding myself more and more agitated, and less and less patient... And I think about ways to cut driving time. Finding a job close by?? There are not that many biotech companies in the Lower Mainland. Not hanging out at W's place?? But we can't really always wander outside and my family is too private for me to invite him over. Not seeing him because I don't want to drive?? That's not do-able either. Moving out (since my parents are annoyed that I'm always home so late anyways)? I kinda don't want to make the move...
I don't know why these days I'm so annoyed. I'm just tired. Very tired. And I can't stop complaining. To think about the coming week is going to be worse, with my assignment and work and everything else--I think I am officially stressed-out.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Ranting
I have serious problems with time management these days. For one like me who always wants to be efficient and accomplish much, I'm just getting very disappointed in myself.
Tonight was one of those rare nites where I came home from tutoring and didn't have anything that I "planned" or "needed" to do. I brought some work home and was going to type up some meeting minutes... read my next assignment... maybe so some lower body/ab exercises at home... but after dinner I started reading the bible and somehow fell asleep. Got up like an hour ago - talked to W but he wanted to get some work done and I felt like I was bothering him...
So here I am feeling very unproductive.
Many used to say to me... find sometime for yourself.... chill out and just do nothing. A friend even gave me a book "The Book for People who do Too Much"--probably because I'm always running from one appointment to the next without stopping. Many friends complained to me that I don't have enough time for them (or myself)...
But I find that whenever I have nothing to do, I feel dissatisifed and restless. Well, I fall asleep and probably rest well (!) but I feel bad because I feel like I'm being unproductive and am not using my time properly. I envy people when they can actually feel relaxed when they're doing nothing. I'm somehow not wired that way.
This must be one of the modern sickness of people. Complain when they have too much to do. Complain when they have nothing to do... sadly I have become one of them....
I mean, I used to advise others about discipline and scheduling to keep them motivated... but these days I'm very reluctant to do that myself. Heck this week I haven't even been motivated enough to go to gym once. And like my Clinical research course assignments - I *always* wait till the last minute before I could finish them--staying late on the nites they're due and then needing 2-3 days to recover afterwards. Most of the time I tried to start earlier, but the reading always took longer than I thought...
Anyways, now that it's almost 1am - and I'm wide awake. Things at work are finally getting busier (which I'm thankful for)... five meetings waiting for me tmr--I hope I can stay awake tomorrow!!
Tonight was one of those rare nites where I came home from tutoring and didn't have anything that I "planned" or "needed" to do. I brought some work home and was going to type up some meeting minutes... read my next assignment... maybe so some lower body/ab exercises at home... but after dinner I started reading the bible and somehow fell asleep. Got up like an hour ago - talked to W but he wanted to get some work done and I felt like I was bothering him...
So here I am feeling very unproductive.
Many used to say to me... find sometime for yourself.... chill out and just do nothing. A friend even gave me a book "The Book for People who do Too Much"--probably because I'm always running from one appointment to the next without stopping. Many friends complained to me that I don't have enough time for them (or myself)...
But I find that whenever I have nothing to do, I feel dissatisifed and restless. Well, I fall asleep and probably rest well (!) but I feel bad because I feel like I'm being unproductive and am not using my time properly. I envy people when they can actually feel relaxed when they're doing nothing. I'm somehow not wired that way.
This must be one of the modern sickness of people. Complain when they have too much to do. Complain when they have nothing to do... sadly I have become one of them....
I mean, I used to advise others about discipline and scheduling to keep them motivated... but these days I'm very reluctant to do that myself. Heck this week I haven't even been motivated enough to go to gym once. And like my Clinical research course assignments - I *always* wait till the last minute before I could finish them--staying late on the nites they're due and then needing 2-3 days to recover afterwards. Most of the time I tried to start earlier, but the reading always took longer than I thought...
Anyways, now that it's almost 1am - and I'm wide awake. Things at work are finally getting busier (which I'm thankful for)... five meetings waiting for me tmr--I hope I can stay awake tomorrow!!
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
What is love
Can't stop thinking about him/her
Knitting the 2 hearts together...growing together
A big cushion
Cannot live without him/her
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
How do I know I like someone?
A friend suddenly asked me this question a couple of days ago:
How do I know I like someone?
OK. Interesting question. In the midst of all the paperwork I needed to do, I couldn't answer her right away, so I gave her the "off the top of my head" answer: "You know if you like someone if his emotion affects yours a lot and you know you always want the best for them and that you always think about them." It was a very crappy answer (I thought at the time) but that was the best I could come up with.
So now I actually have some time to think.. maybe I can develop my "answer" a little more here.
...
...
...
OK I have been sitting in front of the computer for 10 min, and nothing really different from what I told her came to mind. I mean, for all the rel'nships I have before, I just sort of knew when I constantly thought of the person, wanting the best for them... and when I saw them being upset I got upset too... always wanting to please them... kinda wanted their attention but kinda not... I mean, really, I can't think of anything else too.
Hmmm.... "liking", or maybe being "attacted" to someone initially has nothing to do with whether you love someone. Love involves a lot more commitment and brings a relationship to a whole different level. Liking is just sort of a feeling/emotion thing.
I think I should stop typing. My mind's still drawing a blank. hehe.
How do I know I like someone?
OK. Interesting question. In the midst of all the paperwork I needed to do, I couldn't answer her right away, so I gave her the "off the top of my head" answer: "You know if you like someone if his emotion affects yours a lot and you know you always want the best for them and that you always think about them." It was a very crappy answer (I thought at the time) but that was the best I could come up with.
So now I actually have some time to think.. maybe I can develop my "answer" a little more here.
...
...
...
OK I have been sitting in front of the computer for 10 min, and nothing really different from what I told her came to mind. I mean, for all the rel'nships I have before, I just sort of knew when I constantly thought of the person, wanting the best for them... and when I saw them being upset I got upset too... always wanting to please them... kinda wanted their attention but kinda not... I mean, really, I can't think of anything else too.
Hmmm.... "liking", or maybe being "attacted" to someone initially has nothing to do with whether you love someone. Love involves a lot more commitment and brings a relationship to a whole different level. Liking is just sort of a feeling/emotion thing.
I think I should stop typing. My mind's still drawing a blank. hehe.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
My first speech!
YAY I did it!! My first Toastmasters ice-breaker speech! Now I can finally sit back and relax.
These few days have been very hectic. I had an assignment due on Sunday midnight, but then I had to go out for dinner... my student canceled the tutoring lesson so I decided to stay home, thinking that surely 3 hours of solid time on the assignment should get me somewhere? Well, I.... fell asleep on the sofa... When I came back from the dinner I thought I was really awake - but maybe it was that little bit of alcohol in my system I actually felt very sleepy... so before midnight I passed out. So I ended up trying to finish my big assignment last night (well, every assignment is big for me - in an online course it seems more important to put more efforts to read all the material before doing an assignment... I mean, I probably have no problem getting a good mark with half the effort, but then it does mean that I don't learn as much--I have learned my lesson in my last course!)... staying up till very late...
Well, to make a long story short, I didn't have any time to prepare my speech even though I knew I had to make it today. I went into the office earlier this morning, sat down and started typing. I guess it was true - when the first speech is about introducing myself, it's easier to write... so within an hour I had it all typed up. BOOKS AND ME. But then a problem remained. It was supposed to be public speaking, and I had no time to practise it. Contrary to normal days I had a lot of things that I needed to get done... and so at last I ended up being late for the meeting...
And yeah I was quite nervous when I started my speech - but it got a bit better as I got somewhat more comfortable... the only thing is that the normal podium they have in the front of the room is no longer there - so I felt quite awkward having my cheatsheet being laid down on the table, and I had nowhere to hide my hands...
Anyways, it was DONE!!! The evaluator was also quite encouraging and said that I appeared quite confident. My only comment was that I actually want to have harsher and more constructive criticisms than what he has given me. I mean, I can understand why they do not want to discourage people by making too many suggestions - but if the only thing they try to do is to praise you, how can you improve??
These few days have been very hectic. I had an assignment due on Sunday midnight, but then I had to go out for dinner... my student canceled the tutoring lesson so I decided to stay home, thinking that surely 3 hours of solid time on the assignment should get me somewhere? Well, I.... fell asleep on the sofa... When I came back from the dinner I thought I was really awake - but maybe it was that little bit of alcohol in my system I actually felt very sleepy... so before midnight I passed out. So I ended up trying to finish my big assignment last night (well, every assignment is big for me - in an online course it seems more important to put more efforts to read all the material before doing an assignment... I mean, I probably have no problem getting a good mark with half the effort, but then it does mean that I don't learn as much--I have learned my lesson in my last course!)... staying up till very late...
Well, to make a long story short, I didn't have any time to prepare my speech even though I knew I had to make it today. I went into the office earlier this morning, sat down and started typing. I guess it was true - when the first speech is about introducing myself, it's easier to write... so within an hour I had it all typed up. BOOKS AND ME. But then a problem remained. It was supposed to be public speaking, and I had no time to practise it. Contrary to normal days I had a lot of things that I needed to get done... and so at last I ended up being late for the meeting...
And yeah I was quite nervous when I started my speech - but it got a bit better as I got somewhat more comfortable... the only thing is that the normal podium they have in the front of the room is no longer there - so I felt quite awkward having my cheatsheet being laid down on the table, and I had nowhere to hide my hands...
Anyways, it was DONE!!! The evaluator was also quite encouraging and said that I appeared quite confident. My only comment was that I actually want to have harsher and more constructive criticisms than what he has given me. I mean, I can understand why they do not want to discourage people by making too many suggestions - but if the only thing they try to do is to praise you, how can you improve??
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Nylon - what's that??
Even though I have come to Canada for >15 years, I admit I still frequently have some problems with certain English words or sayings. These usually will become running jokes among friends, but what can I do? :)Not until a few months ago did I find out that the word "nylon" actually has a meaning that I never knew before. I have always thought that it is a kind of synthetic fibre/clothing material.... I learned a bit of polymer chemistry in my fourth year--and it had never occurred to me that it also means *stockings*!
OK, the joke was like this. A friend changed jobs from being a lab scientist to an Investor relations manager. So a group of us got together and I decided to buy some travel-size perfume, while others bought some nice scarfs (for business use). At lunch this friend saw all our gifts--and before she unwrapped them, her first comments were: "This isn't nylon is it, because I'll certainly need a lot of those!" Of course that drew a lot of laughter from the entire table, and I had to really hold my tongue to ask what nylon is (Trust me I also had to pretend I knew what was going on, so I chuckled). When I did ask one of my coworkers later, I couldn't believe the shocked look on her face!! (Well, last night I found out from another group of friends that REALLY everyone is supposed to know what nylon is!)
Well, I just checked the Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary. Apparently this is also one of the definitions: stockings. So I guess I can't blame it that I was raised in a British colony!
The sad thing is, this isn't the only joke--there are too many others (luckily because I didn't know those words many people think that I am an innocent girl haha!) ... oh well. Every day is a day to learn new things I suppose =)
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Dream vs. reality
With BC teachers being on strike these days, I cannot help thinking back about the movie "Dead Poets" Society" again...
This morning on the radio I heard a clip with Robin Williams' unique voice:
"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life? Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse." That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"
My goodness--every time I read that I still feel the drawing power from those words. I wonder if it's only in movies (Dead Poets' Society, To Sir with love, etc. etc., Remember the Titans) that you get all these inspiring teachers--I mean, this movie drew me to poetry and to thinking about the English language and the beauty and the power of it. The newsperson was commenting that it seems like nowadays teachers learn to awaken to the reality of their job, the ugly political side of it...
I wonder though - how many people will grow up dreaming of being a teacher because they want to make a difference to this world, to the next generation. Do these dreams still exist in the young mind these days?? Or that in every generation the young people will dream, and then they learn the reality when they "mature" and they cease to dream??
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - E. Roosevelt
One friend of mine told me that he is still a dreamer. And he chooses to dream. I admire that - but I think I have become more and more like a realist now. Part of me still wants to dream, but it's not as in my character as it was ten years ago. Is there a right or wrong? Probably not. It's probably just a personal choice... and the way one is shaped to think by the influence of his/her environment. Some are less affected and some are more... Unfortunately I am the latter.
This morning on the radio I heard a clip with Robin Williams' unique voice:
"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life? Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse." That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"
My goodness--every time I read that I still feel the drawing power from those words. I wonder if it's only in movies (Dead Poets' Society, To Sir with love, etc. etc., Remember the Titans) that you get all these inspiring teachers--I mean, this movie drew me to poetry and to thinking about the English language and the beauty and the power of it. The newsperson was commenting that it seems like nowadays teachers learn to awaken to the reality of their job, the ugly political side of it...
I wonder though - how many people will grow up dreaming of being a teacher because they want to make a difference to this world, to the next generation. Do these dreams still exist in the young mind these days?? Or that in every generation the young people will dream, and then they learn the reality when they "mature" and they cease to dream??
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - E. Roosevelt
One friend of mine told me that he is still a dreamer. And he chooses to dream. I admire that - but I think I have become more and more like a realist now. Part of me still wants to dream, but it's not as in my character as it was ten years ago. Is there a right or wrong? Probably not. It's probably just a personal choice... and the way one is shaped to think by the influence of his/her environment. Some are less affected and some are more... Unfortunately I am the latter.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
What do guys want?
I was asking a friend about what he is looking for in a girl today. He listed all the requirements like personality, understanding, honesty, loyalty, friendliness, down-to-earth character... --to my *surprise* he listed looks/appearance LAST! Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Of course I have my suspicion. Call me skeptical, but based on my observations and conversations with many guy friends (or what I overhear from their conversations anyways!!), it's a very very rare quality these days that guys do not put looks in near top (or absolute top) quality when they are looking for a girl (well, some will call that chemistry). I mean, guys will tell girls otherwise (to make themselves sound good), but God knows what they really think!
Well, he has his reasons--past experience has taught him a lesson about what looks would not give him--happiness. So he thinks if the girl is pretty that's just a bonus--what's inside the girl is more important. It is a somewhat-acceptable reason, but... well, perhaps I have too little trust in guys and what their heads really think about.
Still remember that once someone has specifically used two verses to encourage me:
"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."
- Proverbs 31:10
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
- Proverbs 31:30
But in the end, I still struggle every day with the thought that guys care more about appearance than inner beauty, and that struggle never went away.
I don't want to struggle about this anymore. I know God has created me with His divine purpose and that I'm wonderfully and fearfully made - I don't know how I can change my negative thinking about myself, always wondering whether I am actually special... How sad is that?
Will my prince charming come--one who accepts and loves me and thinks that I'm the most special person in the whole world?
Of course I have my suspicion. Call me skeptical, but based on my observations and conversations with many guy friends (or what I overhear from their conversations anyways!!), it's a very very rare quality these days that guys do not put looks in near top (or absolute top) quality when they are looking for a girl (well, some will call that chemistry). I mean, guys will tell girls otherwise (to make themselves sound good), but God knows what they really think!
Well, he has his reasons--past experience has taught him a lesson about what looks would not give him--happiness. So he thinks if the girl is pretty that's just a bonus--what's inside the girl is more important. It is a somewhat-acceptable reason, but... well, perhaps I have too little trust in guys and what their heads really think about.
Still remember that once someone has specifically used two verses to encourage me:
"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."
- Proverbs 31:10
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
- Proverbs 31:30
But in the end, I still struggle every day with the thought that guys care more about appearance than inner beauty, and that struggle never went away.
I don't want to struggle about this anymore. I know God has created me with His divine purpose and that I'm wonderfully and fearfully made - I don't know how I can change my negative thinking about myself, always wondering whether I am actually special... How sad is that?
Will my prince charming come--one who accepts and loves me and thinks that I'm the most special person in the whole world?
No Internet!
I CANNOT believe how crucial ADSL connection is for me these days. Three days without the internet at home - and I felt like I was crippled!! Soooooooooo mad especially when I had assignment due and I had to camp out at other people's places or at work!!!
I should be mad at Telus. Called them and all they gave me were a whole bunch of useless suggestions. They must have worked that out from a protocol too--because EVERY SINGLE TIME I call them about ADSL not working - they give me the same answer/procedure to "fix" my connection!! Of course none of them works. Usually a few days of lost connection and I'm back on line. Maybe I should write a complaint letter. Arrgggggghhhhh.
I should be mad at Telus. Called them and all they gave me were a whole bunch of useless suggestions. They must have worked that out from a protocol too--because EVERY SINGLE TIME I call them about ADSL not working - they give me the same answer/procedure to "fix" my connection!! Of course none of them works. Usually a few days of lost connection and I'm back on line. Maybe I should write a complaint letter. Arrgggggghhhhh.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Tolerance vs. acceptance
Tolerance...
Acceptance...
Sometimes I wonder if these two words are the same... Is being able to tolerate someone the same as being able to accept them?? I tend to always associate acceptance that comes out from the heart, like you can from the bottom of your heart accept someone even with all their faults and sins--and there is no judgement formed in the mind at all. Toleration, on the other hand, has always been something that is more*outward action*. Say someone can tolerate another person but he/she can have perceived (negative) notion about that person--it's that s/he won't tell straight out what s/he thinks yet.
I don't know - but sometimes I do ask myself: is tolerance enough?? Between two people (friendships, relationships, whatever), is it enough for the two to tolerate each other?? If I know that someone is a certain way because of his/her character, and I am upset about it, but I try very hard to ignore that part--is that enough in a friendship? If I cannot truly accept the person for who he/she is (i.e. be glad of the difference between s/he and me), is there any point for the friendship to continue--or is it right for me to "tolerate" him/her??
I want to be an authentic person--yet when there's so much struggle in my heart, I don't know what to do.
Will I regret one day I choose one position vs. the other. Can I throw away a precious relationship because I cannot decide whether I am accepting a person's behavior or merely tolerating it? And is it right for me to want to change that behavior???
God, Grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Acceptance...
Sometimes I wonder if these two words are the same... Is being able to tolerate someone the same as being able to accept them?? I tend to always associate acceptance that comes out from the heart, like you can from the bottom of your heart accept someone even with all their faults and sins--and there is no judgement formed in the mind at all. Toleration, on the other hand, has always been something that is more*outward action*. Say someone can tolerate another person but he/she can have perceived (negative) notion about that person--it's that s/he won't tell straight out what s/he thinks yet.
I don't know - but sometimes I do ask myself: is tolerance enough?? Between two people (friendships, relationships, whatever), is it enough for the two to tolerate each other?? If I know that someone is a certain way because of his/her character, and I am upset about it, but I try very hard to ignore that part--is that enough in a friendship? If I cannot truly accept the person for who he/she is (i.e. be glad of the difference between s/he and me), is there any point for the friendship to continue--or is it right for me to "tolerate" him/her??
I want to be an authentic person--yet when there's so much struggle in my heart, I don't know what to do.
Will I regret one day I choose one position vs. the other. Can I throw away a precious relationship because I cannot decide whether I am accepting a person's behavior or merely tolerating it? And is it right for me to want to change that behavior???
God, Grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Vulnerability
Am I ready to love? Am I ready to be vulnerable?? I mean... truly, truly vulnerable???
I hope I am.
"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
-- C.S. Lewis
I hope I am.
"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
-- C.S. Lewis
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Carpe Diem
Today I came across a quote from "Dead Poets Society" (1989):" I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to
live deep and suck out all the marrow of life ... to put to rout all that was
not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."
All memories about me watching this movie flooded in... At the time I somehow had the movie on tape and had watched it for no less than 10 times... if I recall correctly, this quote was actually being shown on one of the pages in a book (in the movie)... At the time I just came to Canada--with my limited English I couldn't catch the whole quote... (and Internet wasn't so popular back then!) so I kept on playing the same part of the movie over and over again just so that I could copy down the words the best I could and memorize it...
http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0097165/quotes
If I ask myself now I don't even remember much about the movie--other than that to me the words were really powerful, and the story made me cry. As a young girl who just started her life in a new country I was really inspired by the notion of "Seize the day, make your day extraordinary". To stand up for what you believe in--even though it can be regarded as unrealistic by the "authorities" (parents). In the busyness/mundaneness of life, we don't usually think of living life to the fullest--that's why whenever there are writings/poems that draw me to contemplating about this I am very grateful...
Oh the more I talk about this the more I want to see the movie again. Good thing W bought the DVD on sale a while ago... (Let's see when I actually get to watch it!)
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Salsa o-la-la!
Never imagine myself to be a "dance" person. I have always liked watching other people dance, but have never really be "trained" to do so. The number of times I have been onto a dance floor (club or others) is countable by one hand.
But this year I have just been itching with the desire to actually learn. After 4 months (?) of belly-dancing classes (which I admit I enjoyed a lot!!) I decided to try salsa dancing. Always found that latin dances are very energetic and sexy :-) The best thing is that I don't even need to bring a partner. So I get to dance with different people (trust me, there's a huge advantage of dancing with different people--at least you won't get stuck with someone who always kick your knees or step on your toe!! :-) )
The first 2 classes were just *okay*... couldn't believe the instructor took 3 classes to teach us just one basic step. sooooo slow. But then things changed after he started to teach us all the different types of turns. Now I'm having sooooo much fun spinning and getting dizzy and stepping on all my partners mwwwhhhhaaa!
Not the most coordinated person nor one who is good at rthymn... if I don't start practising outside the class I _really_ can fall behind... There's a salsa congress next weekend... I wanna check it out!!! :D
Sunday, September 25, 2005
My greatest fear
These days I keep on thinking what my greatest fear is (I posed this question to quite a few small groups/people who I talked to) . I tell everyone that it's loneliness... because I cannot handle thinking too much, having my mind out of control... but the truth of the matter is that I haven't really felt lonely for a long time. Even though one can be lonely when surrounded by people--my sense of that actually has never been too strong.
But today, I finally know my fear. It's R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N. The feeling of giving without being appreciated, of pouring out my heart without receiving in return, of trying to express my opinion/feelings without being listened to. That hurt me a lot. With family, with friends--basically with those who I care for the most. Even without a word or with just a gesture or a grimace, I can be so sensitive to feel rejection. Whether it is true rejection or not I do not know (I suspect most of the time it is just over-sensitivity on my part) - but too many times I would already start tearing up... feeling so hurt...
I suppose I'm not the only one. I suppose it is a human nature to want to be accepted... but it's still easier to understand the mentality than to overcome it. I have always thought that I'm a pretty friendly person--and because of that (and wrongly so), I very often assume that there's no reason not to be accepted by anyone...
Perhaps it's also pride too... sometimes I feel that I deserve to be accepted... I don't know - it's the weakest side of me that I need to improve on... most of us think more highly of ourselves than others (even when they don't admit)...
I do wonder how Christ did it. How could He stand being rejected by those He created, by those He loves so much to die for them... what kind of person does it take to learn to do that? I don't think I can EVER comprehend that kind of love, that kind of grace--I can only embrace it with awe, but I don't think I can ever understand or imitate it. Try I will, but... I don't know...
Agape. Being nice to others without asking for return. Everything seems to be related now...
When will I conquer this greatest fear of mine? To see myself as just myself, to embrace myself as is, and not to try to change to please others?
But today, I finally know my fear. It's R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N. The feeling of giving without being appreciated, of pouring out my heart without receiving in return, of trying to express my opinion/feelings without being listened to. That hurt me a lot. With family, with friends--basically with those who I care for the most. Even without a word or with just a gesture or a grimace, I can be so sensitive to feel rejection. Whether it is true rejection or not I do not know (I suspect most of the time it is just over-sensitivity on my part) - but too many times I would already start tearing up... feeling so hurt...
I suppose I'm not the only one. I suppose it is a human nature to want to be accepted... but it's still easier to understand the mentality than to overcome it. I have always thought that I'm a pretty friendly person--and because of that (and wrongly so), I very often assume that there's no reason not to be accepted by anyone...
Perhaps it's also pride too... sometimes I feel that I deserve to be accepted... I don't know - it's the weakest side of me that I need to improve on... most of us think more highly of ourselves than others (even when they don't admit)...
I do wonder how Christ did it. How could He stand being rejected by those He created, by those He loves so much to die for them... what kind of person does it take to learn to do that? I don't think I can EVER comprehend that kind of love, that kind of grace--I can only embrace it with awe, but I don't think I can ever understand or imitate it. Try I will, but... I don't know...
Agape. Being nice to others without asking for return. Everything seems to be related now...
When will I conquer this greatest fear of mine? To see myself as just myself, to embrace myself as is, and not to try to change to please others?
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Toastmasters Here I come!
I have always wanted to join a toastmasters' club because I have always felt the need to get rid of my nervousness and inconfidence in doing public speaking (contrary to what many of my friends think!!). I mean I do quite a bit of those at church, in school, and among friends or even in volunteering... and I don't think I'm a very shy person to begin with! But I still feel the anxiety and the heart-pumping-like-crazy feeling every time I go up. So I admire those who just go up and speak gracefully. And I mean *grace*. The way they utter each word in clarity, crack a joke or two at the right moment... it's just a pure delight to be an audience!
Well, Our company is in the process of setting up a toastmasters' club now, so after work today we had some people from the organization come in and do a "demo" session of what a typical meeting would be like. It's actually quite interesting... 2 prepared speeches, mixed with 1.5 minute-table topic speeches and some humorist presentation. How they distinguish themselves (CTM, ATM, DTM, etc. etc.) are kinda weird, and the format is very very structured (a little uncomfortable for me), but what does it matter. Many of my friends have highly recommended Toastmasters, so I may as well try it...!!
I'll see how it goes... sometimes though, I wonder if people are just born with talent of public speaking. Is it one of those things where if you don't have it, you don't have it? Hmmmm..........
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Decisions decisions
I have to admit. I'm not the best decision maker in the whole world. As a matter of fact, I don't think there are that many people who are as indecisive as I am... unfortunately my bf isn't that much more decisive than I--so sometimes just deciding where to eat (among other things) takes forever...Well, I suppose eating is just a small matter. Knowing how to make wise life decisions is what I'm more concerned about... and sometimes I am scared that this nature of mine will eventually hinder me from advancing in my career. One consoling thing is that I tend to be a lot more confident in my work (and only in my work) than in my personal life. Don't know why--just seem to be able to decide about things at work more quickly than say whether to date someone or what I want to do on the weekend or whether I should buy a place...
Anyways, I've been reading Steven Sample's "The Contrarian's Guide to Leadership" and of course there's a chapter on decision making. This is more on corporate decision making as a leader... but there are two rules that he talked about that's pretty interesting:
1) Never make a decision yourself that can reasonably be delegated to a lieutenant.
Essentially, delegation to a subordinate can save one's time and is also a form of training and development for those under him/her. (There's why there is the idea of apprenticeship I suppose) Of course that doesn't mean the leader himself won't take responsibility if the subordinate were to make a wrong decision--and that's why most leaders do not like delegating... because the trust is just not there.
2) Never make a decision that can reasonably be put off to tomorrow.
Artful procrastination. The idea that the timing of a decision could be as important as the decision itself. Now this is somethign that I probably will never master :P. Because with the advantage of opening up a lot more options also comes the possibility of waiting for too long (which is usually true in my case)...
Anyways, all these theories sound good and stuff, at the end of the day I think I just need more experience in handling *life*. No matter what, the decision path that I'm treading on now belongs to no one but me... so it would be a unique experience for myself anyways. We'll just have to see....
On the lighter side, I came across this website that's absolutely hilarious!
http://www.theophilus.org/indecision.html
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Funny things
Came across this that was very very funny... :)
What Kids Have to Say
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10
( 2 ) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
( 1 ) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10
( 2 ) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
( 1 ) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
( 1 ) Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
( 1 ) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
( 2 ) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10 (wise beyond his years)
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
( 1 ) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
( 1 ) When they're rich.Pam, age 7
( 2 ) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
Curt, age 7
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
( 1 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
( 1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
( 1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
Ricky, age 10
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Am I nice or what?
A friend asked me if I think he's "too nice" a person. He wanted me to answer him honestly. To tell the truth, I have never been asked this question before and I found it very interesting. I suppose Chinese people generally *pretend* to be humble so they don't want to pose such question.
So I answered him. And this turns into a somewhat interesting discussion of what is "nice". How do we define whether a person is nice? If I treat someone well because I care for him/her (and I know that the feeling is mutual), then am I really "nice"? I treat someone well because I want to make that person feel good or want to make that person like me, am I really "nice"? My friend said that there has to be a balance in a friendship--say a _limit_... that I should stop treating someone nice if there is some kind of return. "Be realistic; there should be a limit. " he said.
I don't know. I guess so. I always have the ideal that we are called to treat others well even if the reciprocal is not true. I have to admit that it's an ideal and normally not acheivable (and usually regarded as stupid), but at least it should be something we are striving for??
27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.
If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic.
30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.
31Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them.
33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that.
34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you?
Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full.
35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.
Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High,
because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.
36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
(Luke 6:27-36)
I don't know, there are not *that* many people in this world I consider truly "nice". But that may be because my "standard" of what's nice is too high. If it is evaluated as a quality of a person, then I almost think that only those who are "always" nice (to everyone) are "nice people." If one is nice to others only when s/he wants to (and is capable of), then is s/he really nice?
***
Hmmm... I finally had time to check the dictionary. Apparently I am wrong. My standard is probably too high.
Nice - adj. pleasant; agreeable; kind; friendly; fine.
But then I wasn't exactly sure what my friend meant when he said "nice" either hehe. Oh well, I'm definitely thinking too many useless things.
So I answered him. And this turns into a somewhat interesting discussion of what is "nice". How do we define whether a person is nice? If I treat someone well because I care for him/her (and I know that the feeling is mutual), then am I really "nice"? I treat someone well because I want to make that person feel good or want to make that person like me, am I really "nice"? My friend said that there has to be a balance in a friendship--say a _limit_... that I should stop treating someone nice if there is some kind of return. "Be realistic; there should be a limit. " he said.
I don't know. I guess so. I always have the ideal that we are called to treat others well even if the reciprocal is not true. I have to admit that it's an ideal and normally not acheivable (and usually regarded as stupid), but at least it should be something we are striving for??
27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.
If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic.
30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.
31Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them.
33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that.
34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you?
Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full.
35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.
Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High,
because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.
36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
(Luke 6:27-36)
I don't know, there are not *that* many people in this world I consider truly "nice". But that may be because my "standard" of what's nice is too high. If it is evaluated as a quality of a person, then I almost think that only those who are "always" nice (to everyone) are "nice people." If one is nice to others only when s/he wants to (and is capable of), then is s/he really nice?
***
Hmmm... I finally had time to check the dictionary. Apparently I am wrong. My standard is probably too high.
Nice - adj. pleasant; agreeable; kind; friendly; fine.
But then I wasn't exactly sure what my friend meant when he said "nice" either hehe. Oh well, I'm definitely thinking too many useless things.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
New body needed
Can't believe I, a 20+ year-old, can suffer from back pain for >2 years and still see no end to it. Always described by my friends (even those who just know me) as an active person, the past few years has just been a painful torture (literally).
My approaches to solving this problem? Well, I think I tried EVERYTHING... I
1) went to the doctor, who gave me some rubbing thing for reducing inflammation (may I add that it's absolutely useless);
2) went to physiotherapy--but didn't find it help much after a few session;
3) changed my mattress to a more decent one (now actually this was the first thing I did--but nope my back refused to be happy;
4) went to quite a few sessions of accupressure + massage therapy (of course the pain didn't go away!);
5) went to a chiropractor--now this is worth mentioning a bit. The chiropractor I was seeing said that my pelvis is not aligned and therefore my right side of the hip (?) is trying to compensate, and the tissues around the lower back just get tight. He suggested that I get orthotics (which I did) and start stretching more frequently, build up my core muscles, etc. etc... every time I go to the clinic and have my back "cracked", I seem to get instantaneous relief--but the pain usually comes back within a week. I even stopped running and doing any high impact exercises altogether for almost a month--and when my chiropractor said I can start adding high impact stuff back in my exercise routine, my level of pain just starts growing exponentially.
Does that mean that I can't run or do any high-impact exercises anymore??? Whereas I tell everyone that I think the pain started 2+ years ago after falling in snowboarding, I really really could not pinpoint exactly when it started to be a recurring (constant) pain. And the even scarier thing is: the type of pain seems to be growing in a different direction too. It's not a "muscle" pain anymore. I actually seem to feel a knot or a hard thingy on my lower back... W even said that maybe my hip is totally out of alignment and I need a surgery!! Arrrrrrrgggghhhh!!!
Well, I finally booked an appointment to see my family doctor (because too many friends have suggested the same thing)--hopefully I can persuade her to get an x-ray done. And hopefully I'll finally gain some peace of mind--that this is nothing serious.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Stability or passion?
A couple of friends were discussing over emails about whether we (as girls) should look more for passionate love or for stability in a relationship. I don't know why all girls are interested in this question at some point in their lives, but you bet I myself have spent some brainpower thinking about this rather difficult issue.
Sure enough there are guys around who we just know are good "husband" materials--who are emotionally (and financially) stable, responsible, etc. etc. They are the types who will be the wall of protection for their family... of course they might also be boring in that they don't bring much excitement, but you know they'll be there when you need them... well, I guess I could be stereotyping here but you get the idea.
And then there are those who are just plain *fun* to be with. Never have to think about what to do with them. They always give you a sense of excitement, and they know exactly how and where to lead you. Every day spent with them is an adventure; every day is a most-memorable day.... Again, my apology for doing a bit of stereotyping here, the idea is that one type gives you the "comfortable" feeling while the other gives you the "chemistry", the special weird feeling in the heart that you seem to have never experienced before.
Now the difficult question. Which type to choose?
Frankly, tho I had spent a lot of time thinking about these hypothetical questions in the past, I never really have that much problem making the decision myself. After all, I still like to think long-term. The first questions I always ask myself before I allow myself to fall for someone (well, that could be exception--reality is, emotions always play tricks on esp. girls) are these: Can I imagine myself spend the rest of my life with him? Can I grow old with him? Can I hang out with him for a whole day doing nothing and still enjoy that day?
If a guy doesn't think about the future, then all the "fun" I have with him (however much fun and excitement the rel'nship has been), it could end up with a huge disappointment or even bittersweet memories. God designs for marriage to last forever--which means companionship, frieindship and probably stability (at least emotionally)! If continued excitement is called for, and the lack of it eventually grows into a sense of insecurity on my part (not sure if the guy gets bored of me and want to meet new ppl, etc. etc.), the relationship will just turn to a disaster.
When it comes to the topic of relationship, there is just too much to talk about (esp. with girls!). My friends also started discussing about whether we would go out with a guy we truly love but does not really know how to treat us right, or we will just settle with a guy who you only "like" but treasures you a lot... (choosing "to love" vs. "to be loved")...
At least for myself tho, handling relationships--whether that be starting one, maintaining one or terminating one--is indeed too difficult a subject to master... the sad thing is that I don't seem to learn from experience either!!
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Should we or shouldn't we?
Saw "The 40-year old virgin" last night with a few friends. Even though there were quite a number of scenes I didn't get to watch/hear (someone's hand was covering my eyes/ears), and that I really wasn't too comfortable hearing so many swearing words in so little time, overall I did find the movie pretty halirious. I had reservation about watching it in the first place--esp. because it was rated 18A and judging from the title it isn't difficult to figure out what the movie is about--but coming out from the movie I didn't find it that bad at all. Or I should say, I quite enjoyed the 2 hours in the theatre.
(Read this if you have already seen the movie or it will spoil the movie for you:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/movies/reviews/40yearoldvirgin.html )
Anyways... at lunch today after worship, I was talking to a few girlfriends, commenting about the movie and saying that they should go see it. But then I told another gal who I consider a bit more "conservative" not to see this movie because of all the "inappropriate" scenes and foul languages.... She said something to the effect that if it's this kind of movie - why would we want to see it in the first place and subject ourselves to temptations??
I don't know - I thought about this for quite some time after I went home. She does have a good point. Of course my concern isn't so much whether I should see it (some ppl can argue otherwise, but these kinds of movies don't affect me that much--I forget about these plots/scenes too fast), but whether I should recommend my Christian friends to see it. Especially the ones who are younger in faith.
One verse of course always pops up in my mind:
23"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive. 24Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. - 1 Corinthians 10:23-24
In light of this insight, does it mean that I had been wrong actually suggesting to some friends that they should see this movie?? Was I being a stumbling block to others? Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial or constructive. I know watching this movie is purely for entertainment - it doesn't add any value to me or others... perhaps the Christian would argue that the inappropriate jokes and language are actually frowned upon by the Apostle Paul (or quite a few of the New testament teachings)--and if we know that God is displeased about such things then why do we still subject ourselves to these knowingly? If I don't think a movie is appropriate in God's eyes then why don't I feel convicted to tell others not to see it? Shouldn't this matter be black and white?
I look around this world. I turn on the TV. I turn on the radio. I pick up a magazine from the newspaper stand. The whole culture is obsessed about sex and hot girls and guys. No where can we go that we can escape from this obsession and live in a sin-free bubble. How should the Christian go about handling this then? Seem to recall somewhere that we are to be "in the world" but not "of the world" (something like that anyways). I can only pray for God to reveal to me His wisdom and discernment... my hope is that people do see me as salt and light and that I don't become a stumbling block to others! I discussed with a few friends about this but I still don't have a conclusion for myself...
Oh well, I don't know. Will need to think more. Too sleepy now...
Sad movies always make me cry
Fri nite I was watching a Korean movie (don't know the English title; something like "Loving left and right") with some friends from church. Whereas everyone seemed to be quite bored at the slow pace of the movie (and started making fun of the main character who looked so dumb), I was totally drawn to the plot absorbing every word of it... towards the end of the movie I was so touched I started sobbing like crazy... Then of course I actually *heard* myself sobbing and found it very funny (esp. in the midst of a group of girls laughing and making jokes) I started laughing and crying at the same time...Dunno why I can be so emotional when I watch movies. It's as if I can easily treat the movie as real life stories, that I can *feel* the pain experienced by the characters. Last night again I was watching the last episode of a Chinese series (supposedly a funny one); the ending was so sad (main character being sentenced to death by the King who was his best friend, his wife died--all those tear jerking plots) I kept on sobbing, to the point that I almost couldn't breathe! W wasn't sure how to deal with me, so he just gave me a whole box of Kleenex and let me cry by myself at a corner...
Back in the university days my friend and I used to judge how good a movie by the "volume of tears" shed... maybe in the back of my mind I think that we must be able to relate to the movie in order for it to touch us--so whatever movies that can make us cry, that must be a job well done by the filmmaker. Most of the time I don't care so much about the cinematography or how artistic/deep a movie is either...
The bad thing is tho that every time I have such bad headache and sore eyes next morning... I seriously will avoid watching sad movies on a Sat night--esp. when I have to lead worship the next day. I had so much trouble focusing this morning!!
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