Find Your Wings

I was listening to 106.5FM this morning. Attention was drawn to this song. I haven't actually listened to a song lyrics that intently--but this one made me think of a lot of faces. Many in IMPACT and BASIC fellowships who I "grew up with." And those who have walked with me in the journey of faith. Those who are at the crossroads now pondering about the uncertainties of life.

Yes, indeed this is a simple but powerful prayer (Nat - this is for you).

Mark Harris - Find Your Wings (From the album The Line Between The Two)

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you I want you to know
As I watch you grow
Chorus:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings
May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

Chorus:
It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

Sense of humor

Just as things get pretty uneventful and boring at work... some little joke that a manager played on me and another coworker totally brightened up the day.

I have been doing a lot of coordinating for some documents that our company have to write for the US Regulatory agency. Because we are on a tight timeline, I watch very closely in the document review process, trying to make sure that all steps get completed in a timely manner... there is one particular report that we promised senior management that we would finish by mid-next week. Because of how many review cycles (and extensive QC reviews) the document has already gone through, I crafted an email to tell the final two reviewers that they are reading this as a final sign-off review, that I expect all comments to be resolved with the author and the document signed off before mid next week.

4:30pm. A coworker and I got an email from one of the reviewers: "I read this through once. Discussion and conclusion need to be further discussed, and perhaps re-drafted."
4:31 pm. I sprinted to my coworker's desk (he's in Regulatory group; like me he's anxious to have this document signed off)--he was already writing an email to me (perhaps venting). We were in disbelief. What else could possibly go wrong? The study was very straightforward... we talked about several possibilities, but still couldn't figure out why.
4:34pm. We decided to double up and go straight to this reviewer's office. We wanted to find out what his problem was first before the author comes back next Monday from holidays, freaks out and then mass emails to the whole world complaining about this. Just some sort of mental preparation for the two of us.
4:35pm. The moment we stepped to the reviewer's office, we knew something was wrong. His laughter was so loud I was sure that my ears were ringing. He was like, ""I was counting down: 60, 59, 58... I couldn't resist!! I wanted to see how long it would take you guys to come up to my office! Come here come here..." And then he showed us what he drafted in his next email (not yet sent when we got to his office)--
"JUST KIDDING"

That was the end of my work day. Couldn't concentrate anymore--I kept laughing and laughing even as the two of us went back to our desks. I was thinking -it sure is fun to have some big guy in the company who has such a interesting sense of humor. I know that we must have appeared too serious in the past little while, so anxious about slipping timelines...

I still like my company. =)

On the matter of FAITH

The topic of faith always sparks interesting thoughts and discussion. As Christians, we can find the definition of faith from the famous verse in Hebrews 11: "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." It's an easy definition, yet can be disregarded by those who may retort that an unfounded faith would simply blind, rather than lead, people. The conversation would inevitably lead to how we can distinguish what is an "unfounded" (defn: adj without a basis in reason or fact) faith. Definitely not something that I would go into further argument. After all, if we can win people over by arguing, Christ would have done it centruries ago.

One can define faith very easily, and yet when I dwell into this more and more, I find that we cannot even begin to understand (the Christian) faith without talking about love and grace.

Anyways... what I actually am more interested in is how people distinguish between faith and deeds. The plea for authenticity in our life of faith was clearly articulated by the apostle James in his book. "... Faith by itself, it is not accompanied by action, is dead." My heart skips a beat every time I read this chapter. These are such strong words! (Now I am talking about the saving faith.) How can we interpret what James wants to say - does that mean if one who does not displays the fruit of his faith is not saved?

I remember discussing this with a lot of people before. My way of interpretation has always been that if one has a true faith, it must be accompanied by deeds, as a consequence of this faith... yet whether one has true faith or not, we on this earth cannot judge others. So we may as well just not worry about whether others' faith is real or not, but instead concentrate on ourselves--our deeds and how those reflect our Christian faith.

Sounds kinda like a cop-out explanation... but after many years, that's still the only thing I can come up with.

Interpretations and perceptions

It's hard not to notice more and more (ever since I joined PM) how people talk and how people interpret what's being talked about and how people perceive what they hear.

At work I encounter that all the time. Almost have become a counsellor of some sort. When people are all pointing fingers at each other, I would try to understand where everyone's coming from and trying to clarify the needs and wants of each group--hoping to find some middle point that everyone is willing to stand on, with the goal that whatever end deliverable can still be achieved with all that difference in opinion. And it's amazing how 5 people can walk into a meeting room or conference listening to the same conversations/presentations, and yet come out with 5 different opinions of what the presenter/other party agrees to or not agrees to. It's actually scary--definitely makes me not want to trust interpretations but rather just go with the facts or whatever that is documented.

The funny thing is that with work I can still go around and clarify things with different individuals/stakeholders. With life and personal friendships things get a lot more complicated. A lot of times you can't clarify things... and so interpretations and personal perception, once formed, will slowly become facts and get imprinted almost as an identity attached to each person. I have seen a lot of people who claim to be open-minded, and yet are the exact opposite. Whereas I myself won't even attempt to claim myself to have such quality, I do like just to observe people's talks and walks.

Once in a while you come across a person who is completely open to all personalities and just see the good in everyone else. And I have to admit: I am impressed.

Pre-birthday thought

Can't believe my birthday is coming so soon.

Finally, big 3-0. I'm actually not sure my feeling is... it's kinda mixed. Usually people do a bit of reflecting on their bdays, recounting the things that they have achieved or things that they hope to achieve, or the blessings that they have received.

So for me I also think about my life. No doubt a blessed life all along. Always protected by parents, surrounded by friends, and blessed with a beginning of a career with direction. I know, however, deep in my heart, that I am not totally content with life. It's not as if I'm not content either. Just not totally. It's like I'm caught in between wanting my life as is and totally embracing the unknown. I'm still afraid of being left behind, or being alone. People get together, we hehe-haha for several years--then we all go away in search of our own dreams... paths never to be crossed again (perhaps).

I definitely have become melancholy when I think of myself in the "bigger picture." Talked to a friend a couple of days ago about whether there are things I wish I had done if I were to leave this world now. Admittedly there are quite a few. Just don't think that I have experienced life enough yet. What will my next 10, 20, 30 years be like? How will my life make a dent--a small difference perhaps--in this world? What kind of legacy am I going to leave?

I long for the moment when I find the right person to marry, to witness my life and to hold my hands, whose memory will always consist of me in the tip of his heart. I want to raise kids of my own, teaching them everything I know and (hopefully) brining on this earth some useful addition. I want to have a successful career, influencing people with my cheerfulness and efficiency and making a workplace fun for them. These are all very normal things that everyone wants, but yes at this stage of my life, they also become my goals and wishes.

Strangely, thinking about what I want in my life on this earth--the remaining 50 years (assuming I die at the average age of N. American women) also makes me think of its meaninglessness, and thus reminds me of what's more important--God and eternity. At the same time, because the latter is so intangible sometimes I can't help but be sidetracked by what I want now in this life...

It's a complicated feeling...